STORYTELLERS a forum game *Clarkman wins*

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Clarkman
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PostRe: STORYTELLERS a forum game *Night Six - Audience Elects*
by Clarkman » Sat Feb 16, 2019 1:19 am

A meme and reference breakdown on today for those who don't get the references -

1. Check out CASH MOUNTAIN here. Obviously a beta testing DML original. I have following the format.
2. u ok hun? xx is the only acceptable version of this expression, as determined by an official poll here
3. No picture thread is complete without it - Dog poo bin picture here
4. Aids of the face/Face aids is just a classic forum insult I believe. Unsure of a specific origin.
5. 'Who the strawberry float is Tony Adams?' is quote from a prank call to Gary Neville done by a Gamesradar forumite. I don't remember who. It received national press coverage. See here most recently.
6. Tragic Magic was on Britain's Worst Teenager for playing too many videogames. He literally did cheat on another DML forum game quiz.
7. Detective Rapper was an actual person who was a forensics analyst, and posted like this with many spelling mistakes.
8. The 'alien' thing comes from when DML was on an actual televised quiz show, and got to the final round, but wasn't able to solve a word puzzle. The solution was the word 'Alien', but he guessed Align a few times instead.

Thanks to everyone who was kind about my efforts. I'll take this chance to mention that my first proper novel from a major publisher is out in September and is available to preorder now :shifty:

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PostRe: STORYTELLERS a forum game *Night Six - Audience Elects*
by Jenuall » Sat Feb 16, 2019 1:23 am

Day 7

Fresh from their victory over Lizimba at cash mountain the group set off to collect their prize, the famed Lionboat.

"What's so special about this boat anyway?" Asked Hulohot, "Why is this such an impressive prize that people would enter a competition where they might literally be vaporised just for a chance to win it!?"

"Good point Hulohot," mic chimed in, "the idea seems about as plausible a concept for a successful gameshow as Kilroy-Silk's Shafted"

Clarkman turned to his friends, "It is the boat that has been spoken of in the ancient legends of GRcadia since before records began, it is a rare artifact, said to have special powers and is truly a worthy prize. Also," he added after a brief pause, "Shafted is no way as bad a show as Golden Balls, now that was some real gooseberry fool right there"

"I hear it is said to allow a man to travel to any destination just by wishing it." said Jenuall, recalling his own knowledge of the legend.

"I hear it is able to speak to its owner and haul sunken treasure from the depths of the ocean", added Ironhide.

"I hear it grants one the ability to have a rational and constructive discussion with Dblock about any topic, even the moon landings or 9/11!" spoke Clarkman, the sentence coming out almost as whisper as if his own mouth could barely comprehend the audacity of the words which it was uttering.

The group paused, attempting to process this latest statement, however their silence did not last long. A loud bang in the distance shook everyone back to attention.

"What the hell was that!" mic shouted, looking toward the source of the sound. It had come from the direction of the river.

The group ran toward the location where just moments ago the Lionboat had been sitting proudly on the shores of the Gnamer river. All that was left were a few shards of wood, charred and in some cases still smoldering as if a large explosion had split the Lionboat into pieces.

"I don't understand, how can this have happened?!" cried Ironhide, looking to the rest of the group for any hope of an understanding. "The boat was fine seconds ago!"

"I can explain", the voice came from a small man, hunched under a blanket at the side of the river.

"Who are you? What happened to our boat?" mic ran up to the man, who the group could now see was soaking wet, demanding an answer to the groups latest setback.

"It is a tragedy. We are all the victims of disgusting... dangerous behaviour!" The man cried back at them, his voice conveying an anger that suggested he may storm off at any moment.

"Please explain, what happened?" Clarkman pressed the man.

"My name is N1FFF, I was here today to take part in what should have been a fun, friendly raft race. An event that could have brought joy to many people in the land." N1FFF was visibly shaking as he told the group his tale of woe, it was hard to tell if this was because he was soaked through with river water or whether his internal rage was causing the shakes. "The Lionboat was the finish line for the race, we had been having a good, clean, fun time and everyone was happy when... it happened."

"What, what happened?!" Jenuall demanded.

"We were near the finish and... another team swam over and they, they...." N1FFF stalled, struggling to get the words to come.

"Out with it man, what happened!?" Clarkman bellowed, the group were losing patience.

"They tried to capsize our raft! We told them stop but they didn't listen!" N1FFF had thrown the blanket off his back, arms held aloft, eyes gleaming with the fires of eternal injustice. "We ended up IN THE WATER! Two of our team got stuck under the raft! I even swallowed some of the water!"

The group shared a glance with one another, their non-verbal exchange quickly forming a consensus among them. "O...kay," said mic, "I mean, that sounds bad and all but y'know not exactly the end of the world right?"

"You don't understand Gnamer river is filthy! I swallowed that water and people have seen condoms in there!" N1FFF could barely contain his anger, "I have every right to be this angry and I'm going to talk to the people in charge"

"In charge of what," Hulohot interjected, "the river?"

"Whoever! The police if I have to! I don't care, it is not acceptable and it's dangerous and I'm going to get them banned!" N1FFF continued, not wishing to be derailed from his crusade.

Sensing that the group were losing control of the situation Clarkman tried to steer the conversation back on topic. "What does this have to do with the Lionboat, how can a bit of aquatic high jinks end up with an exploding boat?"

"This was not high jinks, this was a despicable act of aggression!" N1FFF seemed to be heading off again but managed to take a breath and collect himself, "You have heard that the Lionboat which was moored here is a Rare boat yes?"

"Well yes, we know it's rare - there's only one of them right?" Hulohot replied impatiently.

"No you do not understand, it is not a rare boat but a Rare boat, it was designed by the legendary Stamper brothers." N1FFF explained, "Everything designed by Rare is an impressive creation but has one significant flaw."

"Ah" said Clarkman, "I think I understand. Just like their crates, books, barrels, and well, everything, things designed by Rare are prone to explode into a damaging fireball after suffering even just a mild amount of damage!"

N1FFF nodded, "Correct. The wave caused by the vicious and unprecedented criminal attack which I suffered in the water was enough to cause the boat to explode." N1FFF lowered his head, seemingly realising that he was not the only one who had suffered on this day. "I am sorry friends, this legendary boat is no more... But that pales into insignificance compared to the hideous act of amphibious aggression which I have suffered, this nautical nightmare, this oceanic ordeal, inflicted upon me by some maritime mercenaries!"

With that it was clear that the group needed to move on, the boat was lost and so was N1FFF, he would spend the remainder of his days at the riverside, searching for someone to complain to, always ready to tell the tale of the day he got a bit wet whilst river rafting.

*

After wandering along the side of the river for some time, for what else were they to do without a boat, night fell. The team found a place to setup camp and collected themselves after their latest ordeal. Looking at one another across the firelight each member in turn felt a blow to their spirits as it dawned on them just how low their situation was and how many of their comrades had been lost on the journey so far. They had endured much on their quest but what had they to show for it? Bruises, bumps, some mild psychological scarring (thanks DBlock), and a stool that seemed to offer no benefit beyond its possible high value if sold to a member of the SDF (Stool-Bloke Defence Force). They were no closer to understanding the nature of R.E.L.I.C and the GRail still felt so far out of reach; an intangible legend, like a puff of hot air from the lips of a ghost in the shadow of a unicorns dream.

"What do we do now?" asked Clarkman, looking up to the stars as if hoping they would offer some guidance.

"Should we turn back? Has this all really been worth the losses we have suffered? What does the GRail offer us that makes this sacrifice worth it? We still don't even know for sure if the damned thing is even REAL!" Jenuall blurted, exhausted by events.

"He's right, this is all pointless!" Ironhide agreed, "None of us knew what we were getting ourselves into and over half of our number has been lost already." Despondent, Ironhide dropped to floor to mourn his friends, "Think of who we have lost; Drumstick, Darkrula, Quantum, Somebody Else's Problem, pillars of our community! Even OR is no more, he may have joined us as but refugee from the fallen lands of Sonumia but the guy could bake a mean sponge cake!"

The others kept their eyes to the floor, unsure of what to say in response to Ironhide's outpouring of grief. They all felt the same loss and yet did not know how to comfort one another.

"And Karl, poor innocent Karl," Ironhide continued his lament, "Some of us are more advanced in years and can count the blessings of a longer life if we are to be lost, but Karl was but a child!"

Clarkman chimed in, "True, what was he like 12 or something?"

"Can any of us stand to see further losses in this foolish quest?" Ironhide slumped back down and looked to his companions for a response, his tone was bleak but the group could sense that at his core Ironhide wanted a reason to continue, as they all did.

"No. We can't give up now, we haven't even reached the end of the Gnamer river yet or begun to tackle Sonmountain. We must continue." replied mic, saddened by his friends' distress.

Hulohot chimed in, "Yeah, come on. Even Lord Jawa, holder of the sacred +1 Shield of QuestAbandonment wouldn't give up this early!" Feeling emboldened Hulohot stood up to address the group. "We all saw the ancient texts before we set out, the Holy GRail is real! Would we have faced so much resistance if we weren't on to something? Friends, we must be brave and fight on! Remember we do not pursue the GRail for our own glory. We take on this task in the name of all GRcadians, to honour our fallen friends, and in the sure hope that with the power of the GRail in our hands at least one of us may survive long enough in this world to see Jawa finally reach Kakariko Village! "

Hulohot's rousing speech was met with a raucous cheer from the rest of the group, their souls restored thanks to his inspiring words (though every one of them knew in their hearts that to believe Jawa would ever make such progress in Zelda was but folly!)

"So, what is our next move then?" mic asked keenly, "The Lion said we should take the river to Sonmountain, seems like as good a plan as any."

The group agreed that following the Gnamer river was their best bet for getting back on course to retrieve the GRail before suffering any more interference from R.E.L.I.C.

*

After travelling no more than a few kilometres the river bent away from the path they were following and the team were unable to follow it directly. Deciding to follow the path rather than risk being swept away in the waters the team pressed on. Then mic suddenly stopped, "Wait! what is that..." he said ominously, pointing at a building off to their right. In the distance stood what appeared to be a house, however on further inspection they could see that whilst it may once have been an ordinary family dwelling at some point it had been grotesquely extended to include an additional structure alongside with a passageway covered by a uPVC conservatory style roof connecting the two spaces. The secondary structure had clearly been constructed by a twisted mind and appeared to be designed as a kind of a cage or prison for some unfortunate soul. "I don't like the look of this." mic voiced a concern that the rest of the group shared.

The building stood between the group and the Gnamer river, now just visible in the distance. The rising morning light revealed a large wall to the left of the building and an impassible cliff to the right, if they were to rejoin the river the group would have no choice but to find a path through the disturbing edifice that lay before them.

The group slowly approached the building and as they grew closer began to hear banging and the sound of a deep, constant, vibration coming from the extension. Someone, or some thing, had been trapped inside and was clearly trying to break free.

As the group pressed on Clarkman spotted an ageing sign hanging awkwardly on the wall of the extension building:

"Mum Bunker"

"Wait!" Clarkman suddenly spoke up, "I think I know this place, this is the dwelling of the legend known as Errkal!"

"Errkal! Truly? But how can you be sure?" Jenuall asked.

"I'm not, I mean the layout of it certainly matches the sketches which I have seen before, and look at this," Clarkman pointed to the sign, "The legends spoke of a Bunker where the Mother of Errkal was banished when she was no longer sanctioned to live in a nearby caravan!"

Whilst the rest of the group continued to debate whether or not they had really found the legendary home of Errkal, Hulohot had spotted something else: a small, weathered notebook half covered beneath a pile of blue dust outside the bunker. Hulo knelt down and retrieved the book, it was old and had clearly seen much use, it's pages well worn and showing signs of almost daily use over many years. Turning it over and looking at the title of the tome Hulohot read aloud:

"Noise Log (2016- 201..." The remaining text was indecipherable. "Guys, what do you make of this?" Hulohot called the rest of the group over to inspect his find.

"Wait, surely it can't be!" exclaimed Clarkman, once again showing himself to be the groups chief scholar of ancient lore, "That's the mythical noise log, it was written many, many years ago by Lord Jawa."

"You mean when he was young!" mic interjected with a wry smile.

Clarkman continued, "It tells of the long nights Lord Jawa spent enduring the 'Trials of Neighbour-bloke', a grueling challenge which no fellow GRcadian would ever wish to subject themselves to."

"Hold on," Jenuall interjected, "if this is Errkal's home then why is a book belonging to Lord Jawa here?"

Almost as if responding to Jenuall's words the banging from the nearby bunker suddenly ceased. In its absence the vibrations seemed to grow even louder, the group were now surrounded by a deafening buzzing noise.

"What's going on!" called Hulohot, his voice almost inaudible over the thunderous sonic assault.

"I think I've just worked out why Lord Jawa had traveled to this place," mic screamed above the buzzing, "and what that is for." mic was pointing toward what appeared to be a large projectile weapon loaded with a capsule containing a thick blue substance, it was leaning against the wall of Errkal's house.

"The fabled Blu-Tac Splattershot Jr!" Exclaimed the group in unison.

Suddenly the buzzing sound reached a crescendo and with a colossal crash a giant wasp-like creature finally penetrated the layers of Blu-Tac that had held it prisoner and burst free from the mum bunker.

I WILL DESTROY THOSE WHO HAVE KEPT ME PRISONER ALL THESE YEARS!
screamed the creature.

"But we didn't capture you, it was another of our kind!" Hulohot called out, hoping to reason with the beast.

ALL GRCADIANS WILL BE JUDGED THE SAME FOR THE ACTIONS OF YOUR ELDER!
the creature replied, showing all the tact of a riled up Liam Neeson.

"The Splattershot, it's our only hope, if we can bind the creature with Blu-Tac we may yet escape" cried mic identifying what seemed like the teams only hope.

"Wait, there is something else that may help." Ironhide shouted out, "The legends speak of Lord Jawa drawing power from his own writings, how he would gain an internal strength by simply reciting the words of his noise log to himself when faced with adversity. The Splattershot is surely useless without it!"

DYING TIME!

With the Wasp Beast bearing down upon them the team had to act fast.

One of you must grab the Splattershot to battle the creature. Another must read aloud the noise log to draw upon its power.

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PostRe: STORYTELLERS a forum game *Night Six - Audience Elects*
by Clarkman » Sat Feb 16, 2019 1:37 am

Amazing work :lol: I knew navigating the river wouldn't be simple.

I will grab the Splattershot. We will make it to Grailtopia in the foothills of Sonmountain boys. :datass:

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PostRe: STORYTELLERS a forum game *Night Six - Audience Elects*
by Hulohot » Sat Feb 16, 2019 7:44 am

I don't even know where to begin but that was brilliant :lol: Mum Bunker and the Rare boat. Great work.

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PostRe: STORYTELLERS a forum game *Day Seven - Jenuall*
by OrangeRKN » Sat Feb 16, 2019 10:28 am

N1FFF rafting, Errkal's mum bunker, Jawa.... You really rose to the challenge here :lol:

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PostRe: STORYTELLERS a forum game *Day Seven - Jenuall*
by mic » Sat Feb 16, 2019 11:00 am

I’ll go for the splattershot!

And ironhide for the noise log.

Then our decisions will be canon!

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PostRe: STORYTELLERS a forum game *Day Seven - Jenuall*
by Jenuall » Sat Feb 16, 2019 4:00 pm

Glad to hear people enjoyed the update, sorry it was so long!

Not sure what time I'll get the conclusion up tonight but I will try and make sure it's not too late.

So far we've got Clarkman and mic both volunteering for splat duty and Ironhide is up for the noise log...

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PostRe: STORYTELLERS a forum game *Day Seven - Jenuall*
by Hulohot » Sat Feb 16, 2019 5:05 pm

Clarkman and Ironhide sounds good.

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PostRe: STORYTELLERS a forum game *Day Seven - Jenuall*
by Ironhide » Sat Feb 16, 2019 7:21 pm

That was great.

I'm fine with the idea of reading the noise log, what could possibly go wrong?

I think mic should grab the splattershot, mainly to keep Clarkman available to write another chapter.

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PostRe: STORYTELLERS a forum game *Day Seven - Jenuall*
by Jenuall » Sat Feb 16, 2019 7:45 pm

Looks like Ironhide is on for the noise log but I make it 2 a piece for Clarkman and mic on the Splattershot.

Writing it up now so either someone can cast a deciding vote quickly or I will toss a coin for it!

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PostRe: STORYTELLERS a forum game *Day Seven - Jenuall*
by Jenuall » Sat Feb 16, 2019 8:54 pm

I went best of three with a coin and mic won 2-1:

Day 7 - Conclusion

mic dived for the Splattershot, snatching it into his grasp and immediately turning to let off a volley of gooey Blu-Tac in the direction of the giant Wasp beast. Seeing his friend taking on the creature single handed Ironhide opened the Noise Log to read, determined to do all he could to provide support.

As there were no further weapons with which to combat the creature in the vicinity and sensing there was little else they could do to offer support the remainder of the group sought shelter inside the bunker. There they could remain safe whilst also monitoring the battle. Though their attention was of course fully focused on the battle they each did take every effort not to touch anything within the bunker, because who knows what Errkal's Mum had been up to in there!

mic's initial shots had struck the beast on the abdomen, but this seemed to have little effect other than to enrage it further. Its antennae twitched in fury as its glistening mandibles opened to speak:

HAH, THE LAST OF YOUR KIND TO FACE ME COULD DO NOTHING BUT PESTER ME WITH THAT FEEBLE CONTRAPTION AND IT LOOKS LIKE YOU TOO ARE EQUALLY PATHETIC!


mic dived for cover as the beast swooped down, its gigantic stinger poised ready to strike. Meanwhile Ironhide had found a good vantage point from which to consult the noise log, picking a page that looked particularly well worn he read aloud:

"June 1st 2016," As Ironhide read the words on the page began to glow blue, "peace is among us within the halls of Jawa-dom. The horror that dwells beneath has been quelled, but only temporarily I fear, for the hag hath banished the madman. The younglings are still rowdy but they have yet to learn many of the wiles of their forebear and I can suffer their intrusion much more gladly!" The whole page now shone a bright, brilliant blue light that shot out of the book and toward the battle, then as quickly as the light had appeared it faded - leaving the page which had been read blank.

The words of Lord Jawa contained a power that few understood, the frustration of the downtrodden mixed with a seemingly eternal optimism was a potent combination. Responding to the recital the Blu-Tac which had struck the Wasp beast seemed to glow, as if some power within had been awoken.

"It's working!" Cried mic, dodging another thrust from the beasts stinger and letting off a further expulsion from the Splattershot, "Keep it up Ironhide!"

Ironhide gripped the log tight and flicked through the pages searching for another powerful entry:

"October 9th 2016, An eve of much sorrow I have endured once again, the hag and the madman are cast at one anothers throats once again. Harsh tongues doth lick from the pair as their seemingly eternal sparring rages night after night. In search of solace I turned to my otic insulators and waged my own wars of the imagination"

As Ironhide read this latest entry mic managed to catch the beast directly on the face with the full power of the Blu-Tac. "Haha! Taste my blue justice!" mic screamed in triumph"

The beast recoiled, the searing hot blue substance burning a hole deep into its head. It seemed dazed for a moment and the turned back toward mic and screamed:

NO! HOW HAS THIS POWER FOUND ITS WAY TO YOU? THOSE THAT AWOKE ME PROMISED YOU WOULD BE EASY FODDER!


Both Ironhide and mic paused, it seemed that it was not just chance that had set the wasp against them, was this another act of sabotage by R.E.L.I.C?

Though unprepared for the true power of the Splattershot the beast was not yet ready to give up the fight and several more rounds of battle were exchanged. mic suffering a number of blows but managing to just barely avoid death each time, Ironhide continuing to read aloud from the log to provide support to his friend.

The beast began to grow weary, sensing it did not have long to live it began to taunt our heroes:

YOU WILL NEVER REACH YOUR PRIZE! AT GRAILTOPIA YOU WILL FACE THREE IMPOSSIBLE CHALLENGES!


THE FIRST CHALLENGE, THE BREATH OF STEVE


mic fired another shot, Ironhide bellowing out support with all the gusto of Brian Blessed.

THE SECOND CHALLENGE, THE WORD OF GECKO


Ironhide nearly took a full blow of the stinger to the gut, just managing to roll away at the last second.

AND THE THIRD, THE PATH OF SCOTTICUS


"Why are you telling us this?" mic cried, failing to see why the beast would share such clues.

BECAUSE ... EVEN IF YOU DECIPHER THE CHALLENGES YOU CANNOT WIN. THE WHOLE THING ... IS RIGGED, JUST .... LIKE IT WAS .... THE LAST TIME!
the beast spluttered, clearly close to death.

mic didn't understand, what did the beast mean - what was rigged? And what was the last time? Distracted, mic did not spot the beasts last ditch attack and was forced to the ground, the impact nearly knocking him unconscious. "Ironhide, help! Quickly I need the power of the noise log now!"

Ironhide rifled through the book, struggling to find a page which had not already expired in the battle. "I can't find another entry, I've looked back to front and all that is left is a number of pages ranting about how Fallout 76 is secretly brilliant and how everyone is wrong and needs to stop ganging up on defenseless game developers!"

"Damn you Jawa, and damn you Jawa's neighbour!" mic screamed as the beast pierced him with its stinger, instantly draining all the life from his body and leaving our hero but a withered husk in the dirt. Spent the wasp beast collapsed alongside, though expired its body continued to twitch in that way that all dead wasps seem to do after you whack them with a newspaper.

"NO!" came the scream of the entire group from within the bunker, running out to see their fallen comrade. They had lost another member, but perhaps in the dying words of the Wasp they had learned something which may help them finally end their quest for the GRail.



Or alternatively it may just all have been complete nonsense! ;)

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PostRe: STORYTELLERS a forum game *Day Seven - Jenuall*
by Ironhide » Sat Feb 16, 2019 9:36 pm

I AM INVINCIBLE!

Seriously, how am I still in this?

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PostRe: STORYTELLERS a forum game *Day Seven - Jenuall*
by Tsunade » Sat Feb 16, 2019 9:46 pm

Guess ironhide will die another day!

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PostRe: STORYTELLERS a forum game *Day Seven - Jenuall*
by Ironhide » Sat Feb 16, 2019 9:51 pm

Tomorrow never dies.

glad someone picked up on the Bond reference

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PostRe: STORYTELLERS a forum game *Night Seven - Audience Elects*
by OrangeRKN » Sat Feb 16, 2019 10:43 pm

Tomorrow's storyteller will be the last before the finale! Ironhide and whoever is now elected as storyteller are guaranteed a place in the final round. Well done ironhide :p

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PostRe: STORYTELLERS a forum game *Night Seven - Audience Elects*
by Clarkman » Sun Feb 17, 2019 12:18 am

Superb work Jenuall. I am so delighted by the momentum of the narrative. The penultimate day has to involve reaching the foothills of Somnmountain and finding Grailtopia, with the final day tackling the three tasks.

I really would like to survive to the end, but feel it would be cheap to volunteer as Storyteller for a third time.

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PostRe: STORYTELLERS a forum game *Night Seven - Audience Elects*
by Karl_ » Sun Feb 17, 2019 5:29 am

Loved Jenuall's story. Mum Bunker :lol: Jawa :wub:

If there are no other volunteers then I would vote for you Clarkman. You've been a good writer so far so you deserve it!

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PostRe: STORYTELLERS a forum game *Night Seven - Audience Elects*
by Hulohot » Sun Feb 17, 2019 7:15 am

Beautiful work there, the lore building is really phenomenal in this :lol:

I'll vote Clarkman for final day.

I'm saving my writing powahhhhh for the finale if I make it past today !

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PostRe: STORYTELLERS a forum game *Night Seven - Audience Elects*
by Dandle in the Wind » Sun Feb 17, 2019 9:35 am

Amazing scenes! :wub:

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PostRe: STORYTELLERS a forum game *Night Seven - Audience Elects*
by Dandle in the Wind » Sun Feb 17, 2019 9:36 am

OrangeRKN wrote:Tomorrow's storyteller will be the last before the finale! Ironhide and whoever is now elected as storyteller are guaranteed a place in the final round. Well done ironhide :p


I vote for IronHide as storyteller. :shifty:

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