GRcade

You have to be prepared to have arguments about things like that. It's not a bad thing, in fact I'd say very much the opposite.

Errkal wrote:

Tafdolphin wrote:Honestly one of the biggest divides I've had to broach in my relationship is the fact that my wife doesn't drink. I miss, so so much, going out for a casual drink with my significant other. She hates the very idea of 'drinking culture' so even a nice evening at a bar or brasserie is out of the question as she'll get bored after one soft drink and want to go home (which happened a few weeks back and led to a huge argument).

I might just buy myself a nice bottle of rum for the evenings.

Thats a bit pathetic, can she not enjoy chatting or something. Going for a bar is about getting plastered. It doesn't sound like she is really trying and just going "nope see hate it".

My wife isn't mega into pubs etc but she will go and we will chat and stuff as just because you are in a bar doesn't mean you have to get twatted.

It's very challenging on my part and the bolded part is the bit that gets me the most. I just want one or two pints and a chat, but the last time we went out (to a lovely outdoor bar under a massive oak tree covered in fairy lights, it was great) as soon as I finished my first pint she was getting her bag, like all her effort had been spent even getting to the bar in the first place. I don't think she realises how big a deal this is for me, even though I've tried so many times to lay it out for her.

It genuinely worries me, actually.

Tafdolphin wrote:

Errkal wrote:

Tafdolphin wrote:Honestly one of the biggest divides I've had to broach in my relationship is the fact that my wife doesn't drink. I miss, so so much, going out for a casual drink with my significant other. She hates the very idea of 'drinking culture' so even a nice evening at a bar or brasserie is out of the question as she'll get bored after one soft drink and want to go home (which happened a few weeks back and led to a huge argument).

I might just buy myself a nice bottle of rum for the evenings.

Thats a bit pathetic, can she not enjoy chatting or something. Going for a bar is about getting plastered. It doesn't sound like she is really trying and just going "nope see hate it".

My wife isn't mega into pubs etc but she will go and we will chat and stuff as just because you are in a bar doesn't mean you have to get twatted.

It's very challenging on my part and the bolded part is the bit that gets me the most. I just want one or two pints and a chat, but the last time we went out (to a lovely outdoor bar under a massive oak tree covered in fairy lights, it was great) as soon as I finished my first pint she was getting her bag, like all her effort had been spent even getting to the bar in the first place. I don't think she realises how big a deal this is for me, even though I've tried so many times to lay it out for her.

It genuinely worries me, actually.

You probably need to talk about it with her some time but not after trying that way you aren't in a pissed of state making it escalate.

I mean it's just going to a place and having a chat so it shouldn't really be that much of a inconvenience for her to be there.

It's the same with board/video games actually. "No, I'm no good at them I don't want to try." It's infuriating and is, I think, going to lead to a serious discussion somewhere down the line.

I love her, but when it comes to social activities we don't match at all and it's causing me quite a lot of stress.

Tafdolphin wrote:It's the same with board/video games actually. "No, I'm no good at them I don't want to try." It's infuriating and is, I think, going to lead to a serious discussion somewhere down the line.

I love her, but when it comes to social activities we don't match at all and it's causing me quite a lot of stress.

How long have you been together and was she always this stubborn about going out and trying new things, or has it gradually become worse?

Drumstick wrote:

Tafdolphin wrote:It's the same with board/video games actually. "No, I'm no good at them I don't want to try." It's infuriating and is, I think, going to lead to a serious discussion somewhere down the line.

I love her, but when it comes to social activities we don't match at all and it's causing me quite a lot of stress.

How long have you been together and was she always this stubborn about going out and trying new things, or has it gradually become worse?

2 and a half years and its definitely gotten worse in the last year. When we first started dating we'd regularly go out, with friends or as a couple. Now whenever we do anything it's an aperitif at someone's (usually our) house, or a dinner party. She doesn't get the difference between these and going to a bar ("Why would you go out, drinks are so much more expensive?").

That sounds really unfair. Waaaay back when I was in my last proper relationship, my girfriend of the time was much the same. Games are a 'waste of time', yet she'd spend hours every night watching bit brother. Going out, even to do as you say and just sit somewhere nice and chat was 'too expensive', so we'd rarely socialise. Yet whenever her friends gave the call, we'd be out all night etc. It was bullshit.

Ad7 wrote:That sounds really unfair. Waaaay back when I was in my last proper relationship, my girfriend of the time was much the same. Games are a 'waste of time', yet she'd spend hours every night watching bit brother. Going out, even to do as you say and just sit somewhere nice and chat was 'too expensive', so we'd rarely socialise. Yet whenever her friends gave the call, we'd be out all night etc. It was bullshit.

I will say this for her, she actually enjoys the culture of videogames. Indeed, she loved watching me play Stardew Valley. It's just that she won't even try when I want to share the experience of playing with her.

She's not really a media consumer in general, she's more academic. She loves music, and will come to the cinema with me as long as it's not a mindless blockbuster (which I'm fairly averse to anyway) but she'll generally prefer to read or research rather than go out or play a game with me. It can be frustrating.

Broom her, Taf.

will she go out and have a coffee/meal? you could try sneaking her into a coffee/restaurant that does booze as well :p
or is she just against 'hanging out'?

Why not just go out on your own, if you don't share interests do separate things to each other and go have fun. Unless she doesn't want you to, in which case that's dumb.

Qikz wrote:Why not just go out on your own, if you don't share interests do separate things to each other and go have fun. Unless she doesn't want you to, in which case that's dumb.

I do see other friends, but they too aren't really that into going to bars (I'm chalking this down to cultural differences, pub culture apparently doesn't really exist in France). It's v frustrating.

Bach in the UK for a weekend in October and I've already booked in three nights out with mates!

Tafdolphin wrote:Bach in the UK for a weekend in October and I've already booked in three nights out with mates!

Will you also go on a Chopin spree? If so, make sure you have a Liszt.

The most middle class of autocorrects

Somebody Else's Problem wrote:

Tafdolphin wrote:Bach in the UK for a weekend in October and I've already booked in three nights out with mates!

Will you also go on a Chopin spree? If so, make sure you have a Liszt.

I think you’re going to end up brooming her

Since when did couples have to be into all the same things all the time? My wife doesnt like videogames and has basically no interest in playing them with me, that's fine it's my hobby not hers. I shouldn't get cross or upset that she doesn't enjoy all the same things that I do!

Couples need to have activities that they do individually as well as those they do together, that's healthy. If your lives are entirely separate then that's another matter, but then I'm not sure how to people who had nothing in common write her together in the first place.

Jenuall wrote:Since when did couples have to be into all the same things all the time? My wife doesnt like videogames and has basically no interest in playing them with me, that's fine it's my hobby not hers. I shouldn't get cross or upset that she doesn't enjoy all the same things that I do!

Couples need to have activities that they do individually as well as those they do together, that's healthy. If your lives are entirely separate then that's another matter, but then I'm not sure how to people who had nothing in common write her together in the first place.

Errkal alt?

Sky have removed The Sopranos from box sets

<]:^D wrote:

Jenuall wrote:Since when did couples have to be into all the same things all the time? My wife doesnt like videogames and has basically no interest in playing them with me, that's fine it's my hobby not hers. I shouldn't get cross or upset that she doesn't enjoy all the same things that I do!

Couples need to have activities that they do individually as well as those they do together, that's healthy. If your lives are entirely separate then that's another matter, but then I'm not sure how to people who had nothing in common write her together in the first place.

Errkal alt?

Oops. Bloody auto-correct etc.

In case it wasn't decipherable that was supposed to say "but then I'm not sure how two people who had nothing in common would get together in the first place