The Work Thread 2 - Get back to work!

[Trelliz]

My friend is gonna do it so I'll probably end up just doing it. I really don't want to but I guess at least it's only one night and I can always bomb out early and make my excuses then. Showing up at least and leaving early is probably better for saving face than not turning up at all I guess.

How long are you going to spend in the run up to it worrying about how long to stay for, how to duck out with a valid reason, what people will think of you etc for something you don't want to do in the first place? What amount of relative "face" will you save by obviously trying to leave early Vs not doing it in the first place?

[Victor Mildew]

The CYE where they sack off a party, then turn up the next day to pretend they thought it was that day just to save face, thinking they'll just say hi then be turned away, then have to stay anyway

If i dont want to go to something I'm just honest and say I don't fancy it. If it's something that would create awkwardness, I just say I cant make it. No reason to give any excuses.

[JT986M2]

There are basically two approaches:

- Politely decline and avoid specifics - i.e. "Sorry, I can't make it. Hope you all have fun though!"
- Say no, you do not want to attend.

Both have their advantages and disadvantages.

The advantage of option 1 is that people will understand you have prior commitments and won't be put out by your decision. The disadvantage is they can probe for more information and, if you are not careful, you can get trapped in a web of lies.

The advantage of option 2 is that it's a strong response and immediately shuts down any further conversations on the topic. The disadvantage is that it might give you a reputation with your colleagues because it's a bit 'on the nose' and people could take it the wrong way.

[Qikz]

StayDead

I sympathise a lot with you as I have done this kind of awkward thing before too. This is extremely Curb Your Enthusiasm though.

Cheryl: Just tell them you don't want to go!
Larry: What? You can't- you can't just do that. It's not done!
Cheryl: What are you talking about? Just say you don't want to.
Larry: Look, Jeff is going. It's fine! It's fine. I'll just- I'll leave early.
[later in the episode]
Jeff, disgusted: You're leaving already, Larry? It's just been 20 minutes. You don't want to be here?

This nearly made me burst out laughing on the phone.

[Qikz]

I'm so burnt out. I can't do this anymore everything is just a total strawberry floating mess and I've got no idea where to start on any of it. I haven't got any time off until the end of October and every single ticket I get seems to be never ending gooseberry fool.

[Trelliz]

There are basically two approaches:

- Politely decline and avoid specifics - i.e. "Sorry, I can't make it. Hope you all have fun though!"
- Say no, you do not want to attend.

Both have their advantages and disadvantages.

The advantage of option 1 is that people will understand you have prior commitments and won't be put out by your decision. The disadvantage is they can probe for more information and, if you are not careful, you can get trapped in a web of lies.

The advantage of option 2 is that it's a strong response and immediately shuts down any further conversations on the topic. The disadvantage is that it might give you a reputation with your colleagues because it's a bit 'on the nose' and people could take it the wrong way.

Indeed, however its a sad indictment of where we are now that saying no to something purely because you don't want to, rather than because of real or made up extenuating circumstances is seen as "on the nose".

[Dual]

I'm so burnt out. I can't do this anymore everything is just a total strawberry floating mess and I've got no idea where to start on any of it. I haven't got any time off until the end of October and every single ticket I get seems to be never ending gooseberry fool.

It's just a Christmas party bro dont stress.

[Qikz]

I'm so burnt out. I can't do this anymore everything is just a total strawberry floating mess and I've got no idea where to start on any of it. I haven't got any time off until the end of October and every single ticket I get seems to be never ending gooseberry fool.

It's just a Christmas party bro dont stress.

This is completely unrelated to that.

I feel like with the work I have I'm currently in a hole that I can't dig myself out of and people keep throwing dirt on top of me while I'm trying to get out. It's awful.

[Victor Mildew]

I'm so burnt out. I can't do this anymore everything is just a total strawberry floating mess and I've got no idea where to start on any of it. I haven't got any time off until the end of October and every single ticket I get seems to be never ending gooseberry fool.

It's just a Christmas party bro dont stress.

This is completely unrelated to that.

I feel like with the work I have I'm currently in a hole that I can't dig myself out of and people keep throwing dirt on top of me while I'm trying to get out. It's awful.

It's important to remember sometimes when you're stressed to strawberry float, is that it's only a job. Step back when you get home and remember that.

[Qikz]

I'm so burnt out. I can't do this anymore everything is just a total strawberry floating mess and I've got no idea where to start on any of it. I haven't got any time off until the end of October and every single ticket I get seems to be never ending gooseberry fool.

It's just a Christmas party bro dont stress.

This is completely unrelated to that.

I feel like with the work I have I'm currently in a hole that I can't dig myself out of and people keep throwing dirt on top of me while I'm trying to get out. It's awful.

It's important to remember sometimes when you're stressed to strawberry float, is that it's only a job. Step back when you get home and remember that.

I think it might be my anxiety spiralling. I know I've been in a situation like this before and it's when I get really get burnt out at work, everything feels like it's falling down around me and I need a break. I haven't got a break for another three weeks, but if I do feel that bad I'm going to call in sick for a day or two if I need to. My brain just needs a rest I think.

[Drumstick]

I refuse invites with a simple "no thanks", simple, honest and no sense of awkwardness.

Or there's the slightly longer version, "no thank you but i appreciate the invitation"

[Lagamorph]

I'm at work and watching a cocktail making class as part of my job because it's VMWorld.

[Qikz]

I refuse invites with a simple "no thanks", simple, honest and no sense of awkwardness.

Or there's the slightly longer version, "no thank you but i appreciate the invitation"

There's always the anxiety of them thinking im not a 'team player' if I don't go to afterwork events though which is the problem. We're a small company so they'd notice if you just didn't turn up to anything.

[Victor Mildew]

I refuse invites with a simple "no thanks", simple, honest and no sense of awkwardness.

Or there's the slightly longer version, "no thank you but i appreciate the invitation"

There's always the anxiety of them thinking im not a 'team player' if I don't go to afterwork events though which is the problem. We're a small company so they'd notice if you just didn't turn up to anything.

My rule Is, if I'm new to the company, I go to the first event of its kind (such as a Christmas party) for this very reason. If I don't enjoy it, I don't go to any others. I went to the first Christmas party at my current place, didn't like it and didnt go to the next 2. Same with socialising after work, went to the first few, then just said i couldn't make the rest.

[JT986M2]

It's basically playing office politics like most things. You should be well within your right to say 'no' to events, but people take it personally and it can tarnish your reputation as a result. Especially if the organisers are the office gossip type (which they usually are).

It's a balancing act - get involved just enough to get by, yet avoid being labelled as the unsociable one by saying 'no' too often.

[Tomous]

These types of things I think ar every dependant on the office culture so it's hard to give advice because it's going to be situation specific. I've worked in places where nobody would care and I've worked in places where it could potentially cause issues if you weren't seen as a "team player".

[Zilnad]

I gave up on office politics long ago. strawberry float them and just say no, I say. Even colleagues I've gotten on with in the past, I'd never dream of meeting outside of work.

[Oblomov Boblomov]

I'd go to the opening of an envelope. Some of the best nights out I've had and friends I've made have been as a result of drinks after work.

[Zilnad]

Work being childish now. Had something to discuss with the director today but they went to the customer direct instead. The only plausible reason I can see for this was the director wanted to avoid speaking to me.

Whatever.

[Rocsteady]

I tend to go to all work events unless only boring/people I don't like are attending. In those cases I'd just say I can't. Never had a follow up question.