Qikz wrote:Off for my fourth day in a row but finally went to the doctor. Feel a little guilty but it can't be helped. Now I'm dosed up I should be fine to go back tomorrow.
Is this brains or other organs? Remember we have a good place to talk about things. Hopefully it takes the edge off, whatever the doctor ordered
I totally know how you feel with regards to not being present when work is going on. In a strange way I feel less guilty because there is nobody waiting around for me these days, deadlines are usually very clear. I felt ridiculous calling up work every day some times, feeling I had to make stuff up, or feeling like I
was making stuff up (even though I wasn't), when I was too anxious to even think straight, let alone travel 100 miles to work on a 4 leg journey. My boss was pretty good to be fair, I took a week, or two weeks (and ultimately I wasn't taking any of my holidays, so I was a bit
too committed, like, I had integrity). But there were other roles where I didn't feel that way and would force myself in - ironically the short contracts and the sporadic casual work stuff, because the pressure was there to be needed on those specific days and how I felt didn't matter at all (I got treated like gooseberry fool when I underperformed in their opinion, as well, when actually I had almost no resources). In permanent work, this is a bit different. In a small company people can cover for you. So in my experience, that's totally normal and it's important to recognise when you need time to recover from what life throws at you, things that are not voluntary, that you don't deserve at all, and that everyone has a right to shelter from whether they are in work or not.
One thing that has helped me when taking time off, when trying to relax, is to remember that doing "nothing" or "not enough things"
is doing a thing. So, "sometimes doing nothing is a thing to do". Because if you are constantly doing things, and worrying, and pushing yourself, eventually you will hit a wall and it will be more severe, your overall performance is worse than taking time for yourself in any recovery process. Don't worry about what other people think, you will know when you are ready to charge on and do your 100%. But 100% is variable - you are giving what you can. The self-doubt is a real banana split but chances are, if you have self-doubt, you are already pushing yourself and already doing what you can - or you wouldn't be doubting yourself. People who truly don't care, who don't put in the effort, who aren't motivated and don't have integrity or any work ethic, don't think like that. They just, like, literally don't give a gooseberry fool at all and don't give a strawberry float if they are lazy. Basically, gooseberry fool people don't psychoanalyse and don't try to better themselves, they don't have that internal voice. Because they don't give a strawberry float. Like, their brains are empty. But I dunno, I don't know what it's like to be someone who always wants to accomplish ZYZ + the rest of the alphabet. And that's part of my problem - I have too many goals and ideas, and fail to execute the vast majority of them. That's why I depend on customers for what to do at least 50% of the time. Anyway, that's me. Hope you get better soon.
The one where it asks why you want to become an ‘X’ was just for one of the higher paid apprenticeships you see every now and then, in that case it was some sort of maintenance technician. I find I tend to overthink applications a lot more than I probably should, leading to me not getting anywhere near as many applied for as I intended to.