The Writer's Sphere - Share your writing

Fed up talking videogames? Why?
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Jenuall
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PostRe: The Writer's Sphere - Share your writing
by Jenuall » Thu Oct 31, 2019 3:59 pm

50,000 is just the minimum to be considered a novel isn't it?

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PostRe: The Writer's Sphere - Share your writing
by DarkRula » Thu Oct 31, 2019 4:04 pm

40 or 50 thousand, yes. It depends on where you look, but I guess 50,000 is considered the true number.

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PostRe: The Writer's Sphere - Share your writing
by Balladeer » Mon Dec 02, 2019 8:51 am

Strewth. :slol: https://www.buzzfeed.com/farrahpenn/mal ... zfeedbooks

Noelle rolls her eyes. I think her breasts roll in synch with them. Girls’ breasts are so amazing.

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PostRe: The Writer's Sphere - Share your writing
by OrangeRKN » Tue Dec 03, 2019 1:26 pm

Oh my

Fleshed skeleton

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PostRe: The Writer's Sphere - Share your writing
by Jenuall » Tue Dec 03, 2019 1:30 pm

State of that writing :dread:

And these are people who've been published right? :fp:

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PostRe: The Writer's Sphere - Share your writing
by Balladeer » Tue Dec 03, 2019 1:35 pm

There’s hope for us all Jenuall.

On a similar note: 2019’s Bad Sex in Fiction Award nominees.

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PostRe: The Writer's Sphere - Share your writing
by Dig Dug » Thu Dec 19, 2019 12:23 pm

Took a few months off writing as I had other projects going on but decided to throw something together to celebrate the PlayStation turning 25.
http://www.welshgaming.co.uk/the-sony-p ... -software/
Don't ask me why image text is off centre the sites editor doesn't know either.

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PostRe: The Writer's Sphere - Share your writing
by DarkRula » Fri Dec 20, 2019 9:40 pm

A new addition to Shorts of the Rula is up this month, and unlike 31/October, this isn't based on a holiday. It could be considered winter themed though. Same as last time, I'll give the choice of reading it here or Wattpad. So take a read and enjoy...

Mountainous Change
She loved this place. The mountain was her home.

Rebecca had spent five years coming to the Esperite Mountain Resort when she was in her teens, and another five as an adult. She had been picked as a successor by the owner during those last few years, learning from him how to operate and manage the resort. She had been made a joint owner for two years, then full owner eight years ago.

There had been many great times spent across the many trails of the ski resort, then relaxing in the spa or the swimming pool. She even jumped in to help teach students at times, taking them down the smallest of trails. And while she wasn't much good at it, she sometimes had a round of golf with other members of staff.

She was the manager, yet could sample everything the resort offered. It was that sort of freedom she loved, and was why she dedicated herself to making sure the resort was the best it could be.

She had her skis on, ready to take one of the lesser used chairlifts up to the highest point the resort offered. There she had the choice of two trails. She felt confident enough today to tackle the steeper of those trails.

Halfway to the chairlift, she looked out at one of the cabins that were on the resort. There were ten of them scattered around for those who preferred a more rustic experience. Most would go for the comfort of the hotel rooms, though she'd prefer to be in one of those cabins. It would be selfish to reduce the limited number of them, however, so she stayed within the accommodation for the staff.

Activity around these cabins was usually sparse, though someone was outside this one. She was about to look away when the person she watched looked at her and froze.

It seemed whoever this was wasn't meant to be there.

"Hey!" she called, aware that she couldn't do much.

Her voice hadn't been enough to scare the person off, so now she tried turning as best as she could to aim for the cabin. She'd question whoever it was to find out what they wanted.

It was all flat around here, and she could only push herself so fast with the poles.

The person still stood, then suddenly seemed to want to be anywhere else, running fast around the cabin to get out of sight.

Rebecca gave a hard push, propelling herself faster than before. She was level with the cabin, then beyond it, but couldn't see the person who had run off.

Skidding to a halt, she looked around. The only thing of note were the tracks made within the snow. She could follow those tracks, or she could ask for a patrol officer to look into things.

That was the better of the two options.

Turning around and propelling herself back to the cabin entrance, she looked back on it to see a box beside the door, which she could now see was open.

Idiot thief, she thought. Trying to picklock a door closed.

Shaking her head in amusement, she walked as best as she could to the box, where she picked it up, opened the door, and stepped inside.

She placed the box on a nearby table, and was about to exit the cabin when her eyes caught sight of the other boxes just like the one she had brought in.

It puzzled her.

Guests don't usually come with this much stuff, and usually it isn't left untouched like this is.

Looking again at the box she had brought in, she went to open it up to see what was inside.

"What you doing here?" a voice called from outside.

Rebecca jumped and clumsily turned around. Stood outside also wearing skiing gear was Stacey – one of her friends that would visit every few months.

"When did you get here?" Rebecca asked.

"About half an hour ago," Stacey replied. "I asked for you and was told to come out this way. Didn't think I'd find you looking in a cabin while someone was out."

Rebecca stepped out from the cabin.

"I'm not being nosy about the guests," she said as she closed the door. "I don't even have my keys. Someone was trying to rob the place. I just put the stuff that was taken back inside."

"Opportunists, eh? Good thing you stopped them."

"Let me just call in, then we can get to some fun on the slopes."

She unzipped one of the pockets on her coat, pulled her phone out from it, and put a call in for the patrol to come to the cabin to lock it. She also asked that they check who the cabin was currently rented out to so that she could talk to them when they were back.

Phone away, she indicated to Stacey to start moving.

"Should be a good month," Stacey said. "I always love coming here. Get away from work and feel the cooling air of the mountain."

"How are things over there? Anything happen?"

"Everything's fine and orderly. Nothing bad ever seems to happen whenever I'm on shift, so I can't get to any action."

"You really should change to something more active," Rebecca laughed as they prepared to seat themselves on a chair. "You seem to expect the action to come rather than chase after it."

"I'd lose my job if I chased after some action," Stacey said lightly. "Besides, the money from it is worth the boredom. I chase the action by coming here."

One of the chairs scooped them up, lifting them from the ground and upward toward the peak of the mountain.

Rebecca looked back toward the cabin. "I should have looked in one of those boxes, though."

"I though you weren't being nosy?" Stacey asked.

"I wasn't. I'm just curious as to why someone would have a load of boxes that looked the same within one of the cabins."

"Are you sure it isn't someone orderly and boring who rented the cabin out?"

"If they were orderly and boring, they wouldn't be coming here," Rebecca said with a grin. "Although, I guess there's the hot tub and pool, so maybe you're right."

"Have you ever thought of taking a break? I think you might be cracking up."

"I am taking a break."

"A proper one. Away from here. We could swap jobs if you want?" Stacey then teased.

"I'd probably take up guard and a riot would start. You're probably the reason you find it boring. The inmates know to avoid causing trouble when you're on duty."

Stacey shrugged. "That could be it," she said in mock wonderment. "Why have I never thought of that?"

The smile she had held back then split across her face. Both laughed.

"Seriously, though," Rebecca stated, "move to a new prison if they let you. Try to keep the same amount of money you earn and prove how good of a guard you are at the new place. You never know, it might score you a bonus."

"I could do that, but I want to move on from prison duty."

The chairlift had now reached the peak of the mountain. They hopped out of it, side-stepping away from it.

"If you want to get away from prison duty, you're welcome to apply for a position here." Rebecca turned herself to face the slope. Looking behind her, she added, "The owner of this resort would be happy to consider you."

"How about me?" another voice called out.

She controlled her reaction, but she still jumped slightly. She felt herself slide a meter, so angled her right foot out in front to stop herself.

Looking to her left, she could see a man walking forward from the trees.

"What about you?" she asked, keeping her cool. "I don't know you."

She twisted her body to get a better look behind her, and was surprised to see five more people come out from the trees.

"Do you really think you can bully me to hand over ownership of this resort?" she scorned, voice rising.

"Yes," the man said, hand reaching inside a pocket. "I think I can."

From the pocket, he brought out a pistol, aiming at her head.

Rebecca looked quickly to Stacey. Her friend's face remained calm.

Rebecca wished she could look the same.

She looked back to the man at the same time Stacey moved. Sidestepping slightly away from Rebecca, Stacey had pushed herself with her poles hard, letting them go so she could launch herself at the man with the gun. His focus was on Rebecca, so he noticed too late what was happening.

Stacey collided with the man, wresting the gun from his control. Pushing him to the ground, she sidestepped away.

None of the other men reacted to this sudden change of gun ownership, and Rebecca realised too late what was happening.

The gun was now pointed at her again.

By her friend.

Her throat was dry as she gulped.

"I don't think I can consider you for the position anymore," Rebecca jibed dryly, trying to understand the situation.

"I don't think I really have the time to mess around with the training and mentoring to prepare me," Stacey said. "How long did you say it took you? Five years? I need something now."

"What changed? You said everything was fine."

"Nothing changed in terms of anything. I said the money was worth the job I did, but things are so much better being the owner of some resort. There's way more money in it than a prison guard can ever get, and there's a lot more freedom to it."

"So, what?" Rebecca said, stalling for time as she built her confidence back up. "You think you can just kill me and take over? No guard here will ever respect you for that, and neither will any of the staff."

Do I really need to hear this, though? Just go! Push off!

"Oh, the staff will be sorted out with enough money and arrangements to go anywhere else. This lot will take over. Oh, and the rest waiting at Hunter's Point."

"So that's where this lot came from. I had thought we'd blocked the access from that place."

"Well, criminals know how to get through such things."

"I did have a feeling this lot were scum. What did you do? Cause a riot and let them escape to join you on this crusade?"

Stacey scoffed. "If they needed a reason to kill you, calling them scum is enough of one. As for how they come to be here, I just promised them riches and freedom, then used my access as a member of staff to shut down and sabotage all security in the prison. I got caught, but this lot proved themselves by breaking me from the transport in transit. Since then, we've been preparing this job."

"I've been your friend," Rebecca strongly stated. "All you needed to ask for was a job and I would gladly have given you one. There was no need for this at all. Why turn against me like this?"

"I already said. I don't want to work my way up. I want the top job, and I want it now."

Those words were all she needed to move.

She ducked down as she pushed off. She had intended to take the steeper of the two slopes, but had no choice but to take the other. There'd be a lot more people around as she sped closer to the bottom, and hoped she didn't cause any problems.

Her right leg screamed with pain.

She hadn't heard any shot go off.

The pain started to become unbearable, and she could feel her eyes water. Aware that a second shot could be coming her way, she started up a slalom using uneven movements. It hurt her head to be doing so. Aiming straight once more, she ducked down to build speed.

Near the bottom, she leaned to the left to pull off a quick stop. She leaned too far, falling onto her side as she continued sliding down the slope. The pain in her leg flared up to a greater degree, causing a new pain in her head. She closed her eyes, trying to get herself in control again.

She felt herself stop.

Looking back up the mountain and opening her eyes, she was aware that motorbikes were heading her way. There was no sound from them, meaning they weren't being run through engine power.

She struggled to pull herself from the skis, struggled more to get up, and struggled to even get moving. She had to find some help.

The guards were out, and she felt a happy warmth light within her.

They would help.

She thought that up to the moment where they shouted out. A shout that didn't sound friendly.

The warmth evaporated and left her feeling empty. There was no help to be had here.

She gritted her teeth at the pain she felt within her right leg as each step brought more upon her. She had to keep moving. She had to quicken her pace.

The guards. The motorbikes. They would catch her.

Somehow, she had been banished from her home.

Passing the resort's hotel, she had no thoughts about finding any help in there. If the guards were against her, it stood to reason every other member of staff would also be against her. And even if they weren't, the guards would soon see to it that they were.

Or the scum that were chasing her would destroy the resort looking for her.

She could see the parking lot and her car, but her keys were still in her room. She had never needed to use the car as much as she did right now.

A rest from the pain would be bliss.

She chanced a look behind her, to see the guards trying to stop those on the motorbikes. Though they were both united against her, they weren't on the same side.

At least, not yet.

She pushed on, thankful that there wasn't a guard within the parking lot.

The town of Silverfield – her hometown – was very near. She needed to find somewhere to hide.

Her foot was now dragging on every other step. She had no idea what sort of damage had been done down there, but she had doubt that it would ever be perfect with how much stress she was continuing to put on it.

She could easily get access to the first house and hide somewhere within it, but that was the likely choice to hide. She pushed on to the next, then the next.

The fourth house was on the corner of the road, and though it was mostly as barren and open as the other properties, there was a few bushes near the walls of it that could hide her well.

She scrambled to them, settling down as best as she could.

The sound of a motorbike roared on by. Then a second.

Please say they've split up to look for me!

She didn't hear a third engine.

She stayed hidden a minute more, then edged carefully around the house. Peeking out, a field lay between her and the next cover she could use.

The pain was still in her leg, but she willed herself to be strong. She'd had numerous accidents while on the slopes, and each time had been fine.

She willed herself that the same would occur this time.

Listening out for the sounds of motorbike engines, she prepared to run. It would be hell, and she might not manage to get all the way across, but she had to do it.

She took a deep breath, considered the distance, then ran.

Every time her right leg made contact with the ground, it threatened to give way. She was somehow managing to keep stable each time. Near the end it felt as though she had nothing more to give, but the sound of a motorbike engine pushed her beyond her limit and she stumbled to the ground between some trees.

The engine faded into the distance.

Whoever it was hadn't seen her.

She didn't even know if they had been on a road close by.

She closed her eyes and took another deep breath. Slowly, she pushed herself up to a sitting position to look around.

It was still too open here. She needed more cover.

Shuffling forward a bit, she could see the next lot of houses beyond the small cover of the trees where she sat.

Another motorbike engine roared nearby.

It's daylight! How can they not see me?

Looking around as best as she could, she just about saw a motorbike drive along the road she had left through the two houses.

I have to move. Eventually, they will know where I am.

Steeling herself for more pain, she clawed her way up one of the trees to stand as best as she could. Her right leg needed a rest. She had no idea how much more it could give, even with her pushing beyond her limit with the adrenaline pulsing through her.

She threw caution to the winds and launched herself from where she hid, back out into the open. It took no time at all before she was once again hidden between two houses. It still wasn't the greatest cover, but it would do. She had a feeling they weren't very observant.

But they were criminals. They had to be observant. How were they not seeing her!

Through the panic, one hope blossomed.

She had arranged a meeting with a business owner. They were to have a meeting that would get a partnership going. It would allow her to get more cabins within the resort and give her a capable manager for the golf course.

He would have arrived at Goldfin Harbor by now, and she was close to it. He would believe her and be understanding. She felt it.

Peeking out from behind the house and looking toward the sea, there was a yacht waiting at the harbor. It had to be him.

"You can't be using my yard to hide!" an angry voice yelled at her. "Get away from here!"

She looked up to see a man looking around his front door. Without saying anything and without even looking around, she charged ahead, stumbling more than ever.

"That's it! Get away from here! We don't need your kind around here!"

My kind?

It was an odd thing for someone to be saying about her. He should have been saying it about the scum riding around on motorbikes.

She grit her teeth at yet another pulse of pain as she almost fell from a bit of uneven ground. She stumbled back to standing and saw what lay before her beyond the trees lining it.

The main road through the town would be tough to cross without being seen. It rarely saw any traffic on it, much like most of the roads within the town, but with it being two lanes wide in both directions there would be no cover as soon as she stepped onto it.

The road had just one car driving along it, which wouldn't be a problem for her.

She could hear her breath as she ran, and felt the heat building up within her coat. The dryness within her throat was worse than it had been at the top of the mountain, and her leg felt as though only half of it was there.

Halfway across and still no sound of motorbike engines.

She quickly looked around, her vision now blurring, but saw no people.

She was on the other side and near the harbor, but then she heard the sound of a motorbike stopping.

But was it one or two that she had heard?

Instead of stopping, she pushed on. Diving into the bushes and getting onto the other side, she realised her mistake when she heard the shout.

Still not stopping, she noted a few other boats around, and hoped those chasing her would think she had jumped on one of those closest.

She was happy to find the boarding ramp of the yacht lowered. She ran to it, grabbing onto its railing to swing around to get up it quickly.

Her leg finally gave way, causing her to fall onto hands and knees. Dragging herself up the ramp with her still gloved hands, she saw decking below her and collapsed down.

She willed her eyes to remain open, still not sure this was the right thing to be doing and not wanting to be an easy target.

"Well, aren't you eager to get this meeting started," a voice sounded above her.

She rolled over to see the man she expected.

Giving a harsh, growling breath, she stated as best as she could through her constricted throat, "Get me inside and tell no-one I'm here."

The man considered her for a second, then grabbed her arms. Pulling her inside the cabin, she lay still once he let her arms go.

She heard his steps as he walked back out onto the deck. A minute passed, or maybe longer.

"Let us on board!" a voice yelled.

"Are you searching for someone?" her contact asked.

"Yeah, so let us on."

"I've been stood on deck since this yacht pulled in. The only people who have used this ramp are those who have unloaded my delivery. This person. Are they in a bulky outfit? Looking as though they've come from a skiing session?"

"Yeah, that's her. You helped her, haven't you?"

"No, I haven't. But I did see her running to the warehouses. She might be planning to hide there, perhaps in a container if she can."

"We'll see."

She had to imagine that they'd bought his words. It was impossible to tell what was happening now nothing was being said.

She felt a vibration under her.

The yacht had got under way.

"What happened?" the man asked. "Did they find out? Is that why they're hunting you?"

"Find... what?"

She tried to make her brain work, to push through the confusion she felt. But what he said didn't make sense. Find out what?

"I did think the resort was running well without using less than legit schemes. You must be a smooth operator if it took them this long to find out."

That phrase jumped out at her. Less than legit. Everything she did was legitimate. She started to understand what had happened.

"Have I just been set up by a friend as being a con? I don't know anything about what's gone on except that she wanted to take my job!"

"So that cabin you were in, you had no idea that it was full of rare minerals and metals from the mines?"

"They stole from a mine?" She needed to sit up but had no idea how close she was to something she could lean against. Shuffling backward, her head hit something that felt like a chair. She pulled herself up it, and felt the man keep her steady as she shook. Once in the chair with her leg out, she continued with, "That's a massive crime to commit just to set me up."

"There's something on the news about where we just left," a voice sounded over the speakers within the room. "24-hour station."

She couldn't see a television in the room, or a radio, but her contact pulled his phone out and navigated to the right station.

"It's fortunate that I did find out, but I knew she was too well respected that local law enforcement wouldn't believe it." That was Stacey's voice. Rebecca listened with anger pulsing through her, even outweighing the pain of her leg. "I took things into my own hands, and though I had to go against the staff of the prison I work for, I did it with the best intentions. Those who came with me have been caught, as have those who were helping the owner of the resort."

"That owner managed to get away, though," the news anchor stated.

"I admit it got a bit confused, and though the resort's guards were told to apprehend her, they also had to deal with her help. They didn't understand what exactly was going on, and saw those on the motorbikes as the troublesome ones."

"But from reports, they were with you on the mountain, and were under your orders."

"Of course they'd say that. They want to escape association with the criminal. They must have ran into those I had hidden out at Hunter's Point, so knew that she'd been found out. Then they swapped sides. I was surprised at first when they came out, but then realised we had the same target."

"Turn it off," Rebecca said weakly. "I can't bear any more of the horsecrap she's spewing."

The audio was switched off, with the phone back in his pocket. The man then looked at her, and she was sure he could see every emotion she felt etched on her face.

"It's very easy for people to believe this stuff," he said gently. "You won't ever be going back there."

"I was... It's..." She took a large gulp to calm herself and stall for a few seconds more. "She's ruined me. Everything I ever lived for, and she took it from me." Her voice still had a weakness to it.

"She did do that. Looking out for only herself. To better herself. If you don't want to discuss any of this, I will ask again at another time, but I would accept you as a partner to my business once you are well again."

"I'll need to think on it." She would need to do that, but she was aware that getting a position anywhere else would be difficult. This was an easy way to get her life back on track. "Once I'm recovered."

"I understand. I can get you to some medical help within Key Ford Rapids, which is where we are heading. There won't be any questions asked, you can be assured of that."

"Thanks. But what of living space?"

"I will give you that as well, at least until you are ready to move on."

"Thank you for everything. Am I able to have some food sent here and rest while we're on the move?"

"Certainly. Allow me to help you to a room and I will arrange for food to be brought to you."

He supported her through the corridors of the cabin until they got to a room. He opened it up and guided her onto the bed.

Once he had left and closed the door, she lay back and thought through everything that had happened.

A friend she trusted had betrayed her, using help that she had also betrayed to do so, all while painting herself as a hero.

And it seemed people were believing it.

Unless something happened, it was very likely Stacey would get her wish and take over as manager – if she hadn't already been made so.

Closing her eyes, she knew for certain that Coppawa County was now off limits for her. She would never be able to go near that mountain again.

But the place she was heading held promise. The second largest city of the state. Key Ford Rapids. It was a place she had never been, staying in the Upper Peninsula of Herzan as she had for all her life.

Her old life was gone, but she could take the chance that had been given to her and start anew. Sure, she'd be in an office more than likely with nothing in the way of the freedom that she'd had before, but it would be something that would pay her good amounts of money to survive.

Her old life was gone, and there was no point trying to chase after it by going on some revenge scheme.

What did she know of crime, anyway? What did she know of that way of life? It sounded a good way to get herself arrested or killed.

Nothing would ever make her join the scum on a death wish for something that was lost.

Even if that mountain had been her home. Even if she had loved it.

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PostRe: The Writer's Sphere - Share your writing
by OrangeRKN » Tue Dec 31, 2019 2:20 am

A little late, but nice article Dig Dug! I liked how you split it down by region, made it more interesting to follow through. Wouldn't make a bad start to a thread tbh, although I never had a PS1 myself. I had a quick look at your other articles, the one on varying camera angles is v.interesting!

@DarkRula, I think your writing style is definitely getting better in how it flows. The plot this time was a little hard for me to follow (I didn't really get Stacey's plan and how it worked) but the snow resort setting is a good one - and as you say it works as winter themed!

Here's a maybe-finished poem called "Sea Dogs Bay". The initial inspiration for this was from the phrase "the sea waves" and its two meanings, which is funny because that never made it into the final poem itself. What did is the nautical theme and idea of every line having two different but equally acceptable meanings - hopefully that comes across well enough!

Sea dogs bay at night
Iron rails against water
A ship takes flight
Rocks to either side
Gamb'ling the captain's quarters
The boat rolls the sailors die

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PostRe: The Writer's Sphere - Share your writing
by shy guy 64 » Tue Dec 31, 2019 9:38 am

well that poem took a turn right at the end, orange

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PostRe: The Writer's Sphere - Share your writing
by DarkRula » Tue Dec 31, 2019 12:13 pm

OrangeXMS wrote:
DarkRula, I think your writing style is definitely getting better in how it flows. The plot this time was a little hard for me to follow (I didn't really get Stacey's plan and how it worked) but the snow resort setting is a good one - and as you say it works as winter themed!



Thanks for that. I admit there were a few things to Stacey's plan that were a bit hard to overlook (the main one being how she expected to take over the resort despite being a wanted woman). However, the plan was meant to be hard to follow. Do you really think she'd planned for everything? She just had a basic idea and ran with it, adapting as best as she could whenever things changed. I added the interview at the end to try to convey that.

And it's a nice little poem you've wrote. Nice theme, though I'm not seeing the alternate meanings you were talking of.

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PostRe: The Writer's Sphere - Share your writing
by OrangeRKN » Tue Dec 31, 2019 12:46 pm

Thanks, here's the breakdown:

A place called Sea Dogs Bay at nighttime / Old sailors make noise at night
Iron railings overlook the water / Iron fights against water
A ship flies into the air / A ship flees
The boat rocks back and forth / There are rocks in the water to either side
Gambling with the captain's money / gambolling the captain's cabin
The rocking of the boat rolls the dice in the game / The boat rolls over and kills the sailors

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PostRe: The Writer's Sphere - Share your writing
by Tomous » Tue Dec 31, 2019 12:51 pm

That's really clever Orange, I enjoyed breaking it down in my head while reading it although I'll admit i didn't get "gambolling"

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PostRe: The Writer's Sphere - Share your writing
by OrangeRKN » Tue Dec 31, 2019 12:58 pm

Thanks! I thought gambolling wouldn't really work but stubbornly used it anyway, I'm pretty sure it's only a west midlands dialect word :lol:

We used to do "gambols" in PE in primary school, which were forward rolls. (We also wore "pumps" which I think most of the country calls "plimsoles"?)

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shy guy 64
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PostRe: The Writer's Sphere - Share your writing
by shy guy 64 » Tue Dec 31, 2019 1:48 pm

OrangeXMS wrote:Thanks, here's the breakdown:

A place called Sea Dogs Bay at nighttime / Old sailors make noise at night
Iron railings overlook the water / Iron fights against water
A ship flies into the air / A ship flees
The boat rocks back and forth / There are rocks in the water to either side
Gambling with the captain's money / gambolling the captain's cabin
The rocking of the boat rolls the dice in the game / The boat rolls over and kills the sailors


if anything im more confused, im really bad with poetry

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PostRe: The Writer's Sphere - Share your writing
by DarkRula » Thu Jan 02, 2020 10:12 am

DarkRula wrote:
OrangeXMS wrote:
DarkRula, I think your writing style is definitely getting better in how it flows. The plot this time was a little hard for me to follow (I didn't really get Stacey's plan and how it worked) but the snow resort setting is a good one - and as you say it works as winter themed!



Thanks for that. I admit there were a few things to Stacey's plan that were a bit hard to overlook (the main one being how she expected to take over the resort despite being a wanted woman). However, the plan was meant to be hard to follow. Do you really think she'd planned for everything? She just had a basic idea and ran with it, adapting as best as she could whenever things changed. I added the interview at the end to try to convey that.


Just to add a bit more onto this, she knew how she wanted to frame Rebecca - with the minerals from the mine stolen by those who she had broken out. While at Hunter's Point, she convinced a few of the locals free access to the resort if they helped her, and had them play as her bodyguards during that point on the mountain. She never told anyone the whole plan, and she didn't know exactly how far to take it. But as well as framing Rebecca, she had to make it look like she was the good one even if she did a bad thing to avoid being arrested again. In a real world setting, it might fly, but it would be hard to accept that.

The guards also knew nothing. When Rebecca called them to lock the door, she had no idea the box she had just taken inside held a stack of evidence to frame her. All it needed was for that same person who had called Rebecca's attention to the cabin to also do the same for the guards - except this time they'd be playing the curious citizen who just uncovered a huge secret.

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PostRe: The Writer's Sphere - Share your writing
by shy guy 64 » Thu Jan 30, 2020 9:54 pm

so earlier today a finished another story, i now have two finished manuscripts of five in one stories and the story i finished today is the 3rd in a similar format

i gave the story the title "Non Cannon"

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OrangeRKN
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PostRe: The Writer's Sphere - Share your writing
by OrangeRKN » Fri Jan 31, 2020 11:02 am

Well done shy guy! How many words is it and what's it about?

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PostRe: The Writer's Sphere - Share your writing
by shy guy 64 » Fri Jan 31, 2020 1:06 pm

OrangeRKN wrote:Well done shy guy! How many words is it and what's it about?


10998 words, the story is part of a book that follows the adventures of a princess name Arianna Alexandrite. in the story in question the princess wakes up to find her arch nemesis, Baron Mekhos, has erased all memory of her from the world using a weapon called the Non Cannon

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PostRe: The Writer's Sphere - Share your writing
by OrangeRKN » Fri Jan 31, 2020 1:29 pm

A weapon called the Non Cannon that makes people non-canon in real life... I like it!

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