We're ever you beaten/smacked as a child?

Gemini73 · Last edited by Gemini73 on Thu Mar 07, 2019 1:16 pm, edited 2 times in total.

I was.

My mother slapping my forearms until they were red raw when I'd forgotten to attend a school detention at 13 years of age.

My father, for a reason I cannot remember, caught the back of my head so hard with the inside of his hand that his wedding ring brought out a huge bump on my bonce. I was 8, maybe 9 years old.

Just two examples of many.

We lived in America when I was a kid, but it was more of an escape for my parents than a positive life choice. My grandmother was an alcoholic. Instead of dealing with it my dad took us all to Rochester (New York) to escape any modicum of responsibility.

Didn't stop me getting a beating every now and then on our return in 1981 and Granny had sobered up.

I called them to tell them how awful I felt by the simple gesture of raising my hand to my youngest daughter and I got the old "Todays kids are spoilt" routine.

I never struck her, of course. But my guilt at even the suggestion is overwhelming. My parents felt my response was reasonable.

Worst of all, I feel like the villain in this scenario. Even more so that I've banned them from coming to my home tomorrow to celebrate my youngests 10th birthday.

So, how was your evening?

Dangerblade wrote:

I’m sorry to hear that (the response I’m sure that seems pretty generic I know but I am truy sorry) I have never been hit or even shouted at by my parents but I realise how lucky I am to have the parents I have when unfortunately not all parents are like them, some people simply do not deserve to have children, it’s obviously up to you to ban them from your daughters birthday but I would be wanting to show them how good a parent you are and that your nothing like them

I got whipped with a leather belt or bamboo stick quite often as a child. My father was also somewhat emotionally abusive to me but I try not to think about it too much, in a way I've repressed a lot of my childhood memories.

The important thing is you're not like your parents, you stopped yourself and feel guilty over it. That alone shows you're better than either of them.

Gemini73 wrote:I disowned my parents this evening after I called them to tell them how awful I felt by the simple gesture of raising my hand to my youngest daughter and I got the old "Todays kids are spoilt" routine.

I really hate this attitude, pretty much all research has shown that beating kids at best doesn't do anything in terms of making them behave better, and at worst if very bad for them as it teaches them that it's ok to use violence to resolve disputes. I think a lot of older folks just think they turned out relatively ok so it must be a good thing, when really it isn't.

I got the odd beating as a kid, but most times when I got some kind of physical punishment it was getting grabbed by the hair in front of my ears by my dad, (I think they're called wisps?) and being told off. Then after I turned 13 my dad just straight up told me I was too old for that sort of thing anymore and he just started talking, or yelling at me whenever I did anything bad.

I asked him once about this and his theory, which I don't agree with, is that when kids are acting up they have too much energy and giving them a small spanking or something and getting them to cry helps them get rid of the extra energy so they can calm down.

I got a customary 1980s 'clip round the ear'ole' once or twice but nothing systematic.

I seem to remember reading that smacks and things for very young children who could not yet talk nor reason with their parents were not ineffective, in a pavlovian sort of way, but once the kid is old enough to reason with you, physical punishments quickly become counter-productive.

My 22 year old father got my 15 year old mother pregnant. Neither of them ready for a kid. My earliest memory of her beating her so bad she was in hospital.

Divorce happened and then my mother took out all of her frustrations on me, she would beat the gooseberry fool out of me for nothing. I'm talking kicking,punching and smashing my face into a wall.

The only good thing to come from it was that it made me a better parent. I'd never treat my kids(or anybody) like that so whereas I talk to my parents,I'm not close to them in any way. The way I treat my kids,I'm hoping that we'll always be close. I'm also a total pacifist that abhors violence(not tv violence though,walking dead etc).

My dad never hit me but he never showed much interest in me and neither made me feel loved. The only thing my dad is good for is the occasional lump of cash that he gives me as I'm sure he feels guilty for never being there and knowing what my mother did to me.

It made me antisocial,shy and I found it difficult to form relationships. I've struggled with drug abuse and depression at different points of my life.

I'm not whinging though,just reciting my experience,millions have had it much worse than me. I was lucky enough to avoid any sexual abuse which in my eyes is much worse than just physical violence.

That burned teddy bear still comes into my dreams still to this day.

I empathise with all who've been through the gooseberry fool as a kid.

Ps my only remaining grandparent desperately wanted me aborted too.

The joys of life.

I have a memory of being smacked on the bum, but it certainly wasn't a regular occurrence.

I would never ever beat my son, it just doesn't work.

I got slapped on the leg or bum a few times.

One of the most memorable times was after I made a rude gesture to Santa (basically did the dickhead sign at him).

I'm sorry to hear about your experiences Gemini.

Yeah, my dad beat me when I was naughty. I want to say he didn't do it because he had a bad day, but when I think back he always looked angry while doing it... so yeah, less than ideal. BUT! I love him to bits and he's done a lot for me, so while my childhood wasn't always ideal, it was far, far from a horror show.

Got the odd smack on the bum now and then. Once when mum was away and dad had to cook (ie heat up pasta) my brother refused to finish and after much screaming and tantrumming dad tipped the half eaten lukewarm bowl over his head.

That was it.

Gemini73

In a pretty dark place this morning. I did have a cuddle on the couch with my youngest before heading into work, but yes not feeling too great. Just glad I managed to save my marriage last year because I've most certainly lost my parents this year.

This is gooseberry fool.

My dad threw me against the wall when he was trying to teach me to tie my shoelaces when I was very young and wasn't getting it straight away. He's a right banana split that bloke, sometimes.

I got a few smacks on the backside but that was about it, thankfully.

I got the odd smack on the bum from my dad when I was young, never closed fist or a beating or anything, and I'm sorry for those who have suffered that kind of thing. I honestly can't say it did me any emotional harm. I don't hold any animosity towards my parents, in my case I think it's a generational thing where they might have got a smack (or worse) from their parents and it carries down into them, but dilutes with each generation. I couldn't imagine beating my children, and I'm sure my children will be even less likely when they've got their own kids.

I sometimes wonder what I'd do if my daughter had a friend round for tea and the kid had bruises or talked about getting smacked by their parents, would I be brave enough to say something?

Sorry to hear that some people had what sounds like a really rough time of it as kids. I got semi regular smacks on the bum when I was younger, nothing that I would say caused much in the way of either physical or emotional damage but still not ideal.

As others have said physical violence is never the answer. Having three young kids myself now I can definitely appreciate the levels of frustration that certain scenarios can bring up and while I can see how if continually pushed in the worst of those circumstances someone may momentarily make a bad choice and lash out, it's not something I would ever want to do to my kids.

I feel strawberry floating horrible on the few occasions when I've had to shout at them so goodness knows how I would feel if I actually hurt them. :cry:

I was beaten, only not at home, i was 5 years old and got a regular kicking from a 7 year old in the playground.

Said individual is now currently detained at her majesty's pleasure for armed robbery.

Gemini73 wrote:In a pretty dark place this morning. I did have a cuddle on the couch with my youngest before heading into work, but yes not feeling too great. Just glad I managed to save my marriage last year because I've most certainly lost my parents this year.

This is gooseberry fool.

Think on the positives. I hope you make it up with your mum and dad, but right now think about everything that's positive and put the gooseberry fool stuff to the back.

Blue Eyes wrote:My dad threw me against the wall when he was trying to teach me to tie my shoelaces when I was very young and wasn't getting it straight away. He's a right banana split that bloke, sometimes.

strawberry float

And I thought I had it rough when my dad lost his patience and gave up trying to teach me maths, or how to tell time.

We're ever you beaten/smacked as a child?

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