What is the most F**ked up your life has ever been?

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Johnny Jalfrezi
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PostWhat is the most F**ked up your life has ever been?
by Johnny Jalfrezi » Fri Jan 24, 2020 12:13 am

I've been holding off this one for a while, as it's still very much a work-in-progress...

Back in November, on a typically drab Monday afternoon at work, I sent my wife a text message saying something to the effect of 'Fancy a treat tonight? I'll cook us something fancy or, if you prefer, I'll pay for takeaway'. We both work full time, have kids (but only hers that actually lives with us - I have two from previous relationships that stay 2-3 nights a week). The reply I got was 'Have whatever you want - I won't be there as I've moved out'. Completely out of the blue, no warnings, no arguments.

I leave work early, with the blessing of my boss, and find the house significantly more empty than it had been that morning. I'll cut out the juicy details but, long story short, a couple of days later she admits she's seriously messed up but can't move back in, on account of buying a flat with her mum and now having a mortgage. I am, of course, devastated. For days on end, without any sleep or any food (a full week without either). The immediate problem is that I can't afford the rent on just my wage, so I need to find somewhere else to live - somewhere big enough to accommodate my kids when they stay over. The other problem is that I'm up to my neck in debt. Proper big scary numbers. Somehow, though I have little recollection of it, I come up with a plan to clear my debts, find a nice little house, and 3 weeks later I go through the absolute ballache that is moving house, all the while chipping away at the previous house in a vain attempt to preserve as much of my deposit as possible.

The house move happens on the Saturday and is strawberry floating back-breaking, as you might expect. Worse still is the emotional impact of leaving the family home, where I thought we were happy. The evening is spent mainly in tears, partly with wine, but totally in despair.

Sunday morning is a sunny day. I get out of bed late, having not slept but lacking the motivation to even move, and drink tea while watching shitty (not shitty - actually just good fun) YouTube videos. Not knowing what I'm supposed to do, I venture out to the local pub and watch the football, actually enjoying the random company and smiling for the first time in what feels like years.

With a few drinks on board and a hint of contentment, if not happiness, I wander home and order Dominos. Because I can. Because I don't have to share. And i don't have to suffer a bloody Hawaiian...

I have a nightcap of a large glass of wine and retire to the empty bed. I'm pretty pissed but it's still only 9:30 so there's plenty of time to sleep it off before work in the morning. With the help of a podcast, I sleep like a baby - genuinely the first time in weeks that I've had more than 4 hours sleep. In fact, it was almost 9 hours. The house is quiet, there's the absence of the familiar frantic chaos of a 42 year old wife trying to drag a 14 year old stepdaughter out of bed and the daily argument that predictably ensues. In fact, it's quite pleasant. In fact, the last 24 hours have been quite pleasant too.

This is the first day of a new chapter. My marriage is utterly strawberry floated up (we're still together but now living in separate houses, with no real prospect of any improvement anytime soon), but I'm in my new home and it's a nice place to be. I don't know how I sorted this out as the last few weeks have been like a dream/nightmare, but here I am and I'm bloody proud. Life has given me lemons and I've made lemonade. That might just be a little umbrella poking out of the top of the glass too...

Everyone at work knew what was going on and had been unbelievably supportive. Some tough love, to be sure, but they had been different class. So, 3 weeks on from the start of the shitstorm from nowhere, I feel something close to positivity, not quite seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, but knowing that it was there somewhere and all I had to do was move towards it. I walk into work, smile at everyone and make small talk about how the house move went. My workmates say how it looks like a load has been lifted, my closest colleagues give me a hug (I'm the only bloke in the office) and I sit at my desk with a sense of clarity that has been so absent, that it feels like a brand new emotion.

By 9:30 I was made redundant.

So, what are your worst stories?

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Cheeky Devlin
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PostRe: What is the most F**ked up your life has ever been?
by Cheeky Devlin » Fri Jan 24, 2020 12:30 am

Nothing that comes close to that thankfully, but I did see my life disintegrate around me over the course of a week or so a few years back (Lost my job, flat and relationship) and that was pretty horrible.

Ultimately I can say that I'm grateful for it now, because where I am now is so much better, but I never would have thought that at the time. Nor am I saying you'll think that either.

I guess all I can really suggest is to try and think about how you can move forward and take it a step at a time.

Use whatever support network you have and don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it.

You'll make it man.

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Johnny Jalfrezi
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PostRe: What is the most F**ked up your life has ever been?
by Johnny Jalfrezi » Fri Jan 24, 2020 12:46 am

Cheers, buddy. This all happened at the end of November and a lot has happened since - mostly all positive (though the wife is still a nightmare). I didn't want to ruin the dramatic effect by saying that all is good on the job front, which it now is. I'm just now at that point where there's sufficient distance for me me to go 'Whoa! That is a lot of significant gooseberry fool in such a small timeframe'.

Yes, I'm seeking attention but also curious to see if this kind of crap happens all the time.

I've personally never really used this place as a support network, but if anyone is going through some tough times, I would welcome them to come onboard.

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PostRe: What is the most F**ked up your life has ever been?
by RichardUK » Fri Jan 24, 2020 1:01 am

I am really pleased you have a job again after reading all that to have that ending was really the final kick in the teeth

Last year I decided to leave my relationship which also meant me leaving my home, car and job/income, I ended up sending parcels of my things in secret to my parents house a week before I left so I didn’t have much to carry, I left one morning with a suitcase, got a taxi and then got a train to Manchester Airport where I stayed a couple of nights before flying to Florida for a month in a villa, I planned on returning and then finding a house and employment using some money I have saved, I was away for just over 3 weeks before I came back and since have been living the same life I lived before, I’m still not happy and probably expect a repeat of that this year around the same time

People on here were extremely kind and supportive and it did generally help me go for it and allowed me to share things that I had not told anyone and just getting it all out in the open made me feel a lot better, unfortunately love is a real pain and I wish I could just turn off my feelings but something always brings me back to my partner

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PostRe: What is the most F**ked up your life has ever been?
by Rightey » Fri Jan 24, 2020 2:13 am

I've been lucky to never really go through something like that, but something crazy like that did happen to a friend. He went out one evening to meet up with some friends, and when he came back he found a note from his wife saying she had left with their 3 year old kid for Japan (her homeland). He's basically been trying to navigate their legal system for the last few years, but it's extremely difficult because:

1) He doesn't speak the language and he's a foreigner

and

2) Wtf is he going to do? He could charge his wife for kidnapping, but then you're sending the mother of your child to jail.

It's a horrendous situation to be in.

Pelloki on ghosts wrote:Just start masturbating furiously. That'll make them go away.

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PostRe: What is the most F**ked up your life has ever been?
by Poser » Fri Jan 24, 2020 8:58 am

Johnny Jalfrezi wrote:I didn't want to ruin the dramatic effect by saying that all is good on the job front, which it now is..


All I would say is make sure you continue to look after yourself.

I was 'fine' throughout the worst stuff to happen to me - my (now) wife and I worked together and had just bought a house; we were both made redundant on the same day in 2012. My career was then very stressful for the next two years, but eventually settled... and THAT was when I had what I now know to be a nervous breakdown.

I basically found ways to stay strong while I was under stress, and I pretty much collapsed once it was over. Probably like marathon runners who get across the line and then fall over.

I'm not saying this will happen to you, but just make sure you're being open about how you feel and getting help if you need it.

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PostRe: What is the most F**ked up your life has ever been?
by Somebody Else's Problem » Fri Jan 24, 2020 9:15 am

I was homeless and awaiting trial in 2008, so there's that.

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PostRe: What is the most F**ked up your life has ever been?
by Outrunner » Fri Jan 24, 2020 11:11 am

In 2014 I found out my wife was cheating on me and we broke up. I wouldn't have taken it well at the best of times but my mental health issues made the whole thing worse. I felt lost and empty. I would cry every day for months. And I was suicidal. I was under the crisis team and after that a mental health nurse. While I never actually attempted suicide there were multiple times I found myself on bridges, sometimes at 1,2,3 am. I remember once being on a bride at 2am for an hour just curled up in a ball desperately wanting to jump but remembering my mum had already had to deal with one suicide in the family. Also, right after the split happened I went away with my family for a short break. I remember being on the beach contemplating just walking into the sea and drowning myself. I also made plans involving overdosing. I goolged "ways to kill yourself and make it look like an accident". I went back to self-harming too.

Outside of that was how crazy angry I got. My ex had moved in with the guy she cheated with. I found out where they lived, I knew where he worked and his work patterns and his route home. I had so many fantasies of confronting him and fighting him. Thank god I had my mental health nurse to talk me down from that. Once I had to meet up with my ex and I told her I'd met up with his ex (the reason he slept with my wife was that he was going through a messy breakup of his own). I hadn't but I knew that it would drive him crazy if he thought I'd met her. Apparently it worked.

So basically I turned into a suicidal manipulative stalker. I'm certainly not proud of the things I did or thought about doing.

Six years on and things connected to that event are resolved. I'm friends with my ex, I got some measure of control back when the guy she slept with was charged with assault (of my ex. Also the second time in a year he'd been charged with assault, the first time was his ex) and I went to his trial (probably not the most sensible thing but it genuinely helped). I came to terms with certain things in my life, being asexual being the primary one. Also I finally got a full diagnosis with regards to my mental health which in turn gave me the tools to work on my mental health with coping strategies and such.

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PostRe: What is the most F**ked up your life has ever been?
by Jenuall » Fri Jan 24, 2020 11:32 am

Not wanting to undermine the integrity and importance of the thread and the value of all the powerful stuff that people are sharing, which is incredible, but couldn't help but bring some focus on this:

Outrunner wrote:... I remember once being on a bride at 2am for an hour


:lol:

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PostRe: What is the most F**ked up your life has ever been?
by Photek » Fri Jan 24, 2020 12:48 pm

I feel so bad for everyone in here. I have some real anxiety at times, like I over think about things. I've experienced being absolutely broken hearted and I don't think I could adequately describe the pain but that was about 18 years ago now. I was head over heels in love with a girl, absolutely besotted and then we went away for a weekend to Galway with all her friends (guys and girls who I just could not click with). Anyway on the saturday night, we were all drinking in a pub and because I was an idiot I made a point of whisper "love you" every now and then, she'd usually say it back. I said it to her as I was going to the loo and she said "I'm not sure I still love you". I remember being in shock. I went back made my excuses about not feeling well and left, I sat in a pub on my own crying ignoring her phonecalls and texts, then I spent the night wandering around Galway.

I arrived back into our hotel room at about 7am and she was up worried sick. We didn't mention what she said, and got train home with everyone, I barely spoke. Got home and spent the next month and a bit just devastated, I ignored her calls and texts for 6 weeks or so. I finally read them and the general gist was she was confused but it was too late I was numb to her.

A few years later I ran into her in town, it was at christmas and I was told that day that I would be let go from my job by end of January so I was out with work mates drowning my sorrows, I had a new gf who was meeting me later that night but I was at the bar and there she was with her new bf, I was very petty and I said "jesus he's a bit short" (not within his earshot and she told me to "strawberry float off". I always regret saying that, I'd love to see her to just apologize, still grates me.

I met 2 women who genuinely had a profound effect on me, emotionally and sexually, maybe later on I'll talk about the other one but right now? I'm happy, I adore having a daughter and the wife and I get along great.

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PostRe: What is the most F**ked up your life has ever been?
by Outrunner » Fri Jan 24, 2020 12:50 pm

Jenuall wrote:Not wanting to undermine the integrity and importance of the thread and the value of all the powerful stuff that people are sharing, which is incredible, but couldn't help but bring some focus on this:

Outrunner wrote:... I remember once being on a bride at 2am for an hour


:lol:


:fp: BRIDGE!! Jesus, being back at university has done nothing for my proof reading!

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PostRe: What is the most F**ked up your life has ever been?
by Gemini73 » Fri Jan 24, 2020 12:55 pm

2019 is a year I'm happy to forget.

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PostRe: What is the most F**ked up your life has ever been?
by Jenuall » Fri Jan 24, 2020 12:58 pm

I've had various ups and downs over the years with jobs, relationships, anxieties and the like but don't have anything to share that comes close to what other people have shared on here so far, fair play to you all - so sorry to hear the pain and trials that folks have been through.

I was pretty bummed out the day that Ninja Theory were bought out by Microsoft but that's really as bad as it gets.

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PostRe: What is the most F**ked up your life has ever been?
by Photek » Fri Jan 24, 2020 1:58 pm

Jenuall wrote:I was pretty bummed out the day that Ninja Theory were bought out by Microsoft but that's really as bad as it gets.

:lol:

Why?

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PostRe: What is the most F**ked up your life has ever been?
by False » Fri Jan 24, 2020 2:16 pm

I have a sticked thread which says how strawberry floated my whole life is lmao

I went from happy, complete, spinning the plates of having it all - to complete nothingness that then gave way to complete negativity

thanks to help from gr people I am supposed to be moving into my own place in a week or so, no furniture yet so Ill be sleeping on the floor but its a good start

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PostRe: What is the most F**ked up your life has ever been?
by False » Fri Jan 24, 2020 2:23 pm

very glad to hear you other guys made it through

hope for us yet

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PostRe: What is the most F**ked up your life has ever been?
by Tsunade » Fri Jan 24, 2020 4:20 pm

I have a few times where I was at my lowest, one will always stick with me pretty hard out of them all. I've said before I had septic shock in the december of 2013, it was possibly the worst 2 weeks of my life so far.

I had neglected to look after my left leg properly and I'd bashed it a couple of times, cutting the skin. My brother was going through a break up at the time with his first serious girlfriend, and after we had had a good chat and made him feel a bit better I went to bed, only to wake up a couple of hours later. I felt the symptoms I'd had before of cellulitis and I rushed to the bathroom to be sick, only to find I could not get back up again. It was like my whole body was rooted to the floor.

The paramedics I had come take me to hospital were probably the worst paramedics I'd ever had. The bathroom was big but they refused to try and put me on a stretcher to take me to the ambulance so I had to be helped by my mother into the ambulance, which took forever as I felt so heavy, I slipped down the stairs on my way down, I was lucky it was near the bottom. In the ambulance I was told I could have paracetamol but it meant I could have no medication when I got to hospital. I refused, I just wanted to get there and get the medication I needed to get better.

I was in ICU for a week before being moved to a ward. I had a pipe in my neck so they could easily give me medication and take bloods without having to disturb me. I was asleep for a lot of it due to the morphine I was given, but when I was awake it was like a living nightmare. I wasn't hungry but one of the doctors said I had to eat so I had be fed through a tube, only for it to be removed a day later when one of the doctors was asking what the hell they were doing to me "(of course shes not hungry! Look how much medication shes on! Get that out if her now!). I had so many x-rays that I lost count. I've never felt so heavy either, every movement i made felt like I'd pulled every muscle in my body. It was the worst I've ever felt. I was also on oxygen for the first 2 nights. The nurses and doctors were excellent, I cant fault them at all, they tried so hard, I'll always be grateful to all of them.

It didnt help that there was a poor woman with diabetes in there who kept having hypos. She would be fine during the day but at night she would scream and hallucinate, kick, punch and bite the nurses and just be a nightmare for the night team. They were trying so hard but it didnt look like they were making much progress with her. I dont think any of the patients got much sleep during the night because of her. I just hope she improved and got her diabetes under control in the end.

I was moved to a ward after a week and I improved a lot. I struggled to walk because of being so ill at first but I got there. This week was a lot better but it still wasn't nice, I just wanted to go home and see Ella. She was 6 at the time, I missed her like mad but I told my family that they couldn't let her see me, I didnt want her to have any memories of me in hospital like that.

My partner at the time didnt visit even though we were engaged, friends I thought were close to me didnt even text me to see how I was, even though I was on death's door when I arrived there. It was the worst experience I'd ever had. I broke up with my partner not long after and met my current one who has been amazing throughout everything.

I've had cellulitis once since (not sure how I got it last time, I was looking after myself really well) and my hospital stay went a lot better.

I've got depression and I've had suicidal ideas in the past myself, but the thought of Ella growing up without me, the thought if moving forward with my life and improving things always pulls me out of them and gets me through, as well as having the love and support of my friends, family (well a couple of them) and my partner, it all gets me through my days.

Chatting to you all helps too, you have no idea how much this place (SONM beforehand) helps me. I can't thank you guys and gals enough for everything, even though it just seems like you're posting to a screen.

Edit: sorry for the long post, I feel like I'm GG :lol:

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PostRe: What is the most F**ked up your life has ever been?
by Dowbocop » Fri Jan 24, 2020 5:07 pm

I'd just moved back up to Liverpool. My wife had been living up there for a few months before and I'd finally got a job up there sorted. It was part time and a couple of bands below where I was in London, but I'd be with my wife in our house again and not traipsing up and down the West Coast Mainline every weekend. Also, my wife was newly pregnant so it was a very exciting time!

Started my job. Second week up there I get a call from my wife on the bus home saying we've probably lost the baby. Spend that week getting it confirmed at various appointments. As an aside, I had no idea how many people had this happen to them until it seemed everyone I confided in said "Oh yeah that happened to us too...", so if anyone on here is struggling in silence you're definitely not alone.

So that was really gooseberry fool, but the odds of it being second time lucky are really high so we tried to stay positive. Then, good news! I get an interview for a longer hours job on the band above. They'd said it would come up when I got the original job, and I was already doing it down in London, so I was a bit of a shoo-in. However, because I'd gone from a band 5 to a band 3 for two or three weeks, technically this was a "promotion", so they stuck me at the bottom end of the band rather than towards the top, which is what I would've argued for if I'd gone from a band 5 straight to a band 4 job. I kicked up a stink but didn't get anywhere, and basically felt a little bit like I'd been got on the cheap, which wasn't a nice feeling.

Then I get a letter from the bank. "You know that no/low interest overdraft you've been using? Yeah it's going bye bye next month lol" - apparently I'd been on a graduate account for seven years too long - not my strawberry floating fault is it?

So in the space of about six weeks I got completely battered personally, professionally and financially, right after upping sticks and getting used to a new job and new(ish) area (I'd lived in Liverpool before, but not exactly in this area). One night after dinner I just burst into tears because I just felt strawberry floated.

It all got better. My wife's family helped financially which was brilliant of them. I'm glad I knuckled down and didn't throw my toys out of the pram at work because the team I work with are so much fun and I love it there. And objective-based intercourse paid off in the end and I'm now watching CBeebies with my boy :wub:

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PostRe: What is the most F**ked up your life has ever been?
by Drumstick » Fri Jan 24, 2020 5:20 pm

I can't bring myself to type the words.

All I can say is that I am entirely reliant on daily medication for my mental health otherwise I'd probably have been dead for a while now.

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PostRe: What is the most F**ked up your life has ever been?
by grog monster 64 » Fri Jan 24, 2020 5:30 pm

My wife left me on Mother’s Day almost two years ago, taking our two kids with her. I get access to the kids part of the week, but we have never discussed it, and in a little over a month she’ll be able to file for a no-contest divorce. At this stage I expect I’ll go to my grave not really understanding why she felt what differences we had were irreconcilable. My big fear is that my kids will end up resenting me for ruining their lives. I can’t even talk about it to my friends (so it’s quite cathartic posting it on a board I lurk more than post on).


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