What religion are you?

PostRe: What religion are you? by **OrangeRKN** » Wed Jul 10, 2019 10:56 am

Preezy wrote:But again, if we decide that the afterlife is some cosmic cloud:

- who is driving the cloud? I want to visit Alpha Centauri - will the cloud ever go there?
- does the cloud have one collective voice, or is it billions of voices all chipping in with their stupid opinions?
- are there monster trucks in the cloud?
- if I get sick of being a cosmic cloud, can I end my existence altogether?
- can we play music in the cloud? If yes can we ban music?
- is Jesus in the cloud? Does he still have his beard?

etc etc

It's one collective voice (the accent is somewhat close to scouse) and it hovers unmoving just inside the orbit of Jupiter. There are no Monster Trucks, it's existence is external, and since 1973 the only audible music has been "Eye Level" by The Simon Park Orchestra playing on repeat. Jesus was briefly involved but left the cloud in 651 due to "creative differences". He was last seen heading in the direction of Orion's Belt, and it is unknown whether he still sports a beard.

Does that answer your questions?

PostRe: What religion are you? by **Preezy** » Wed Jul 10, 2019 10:57 am

OrangeRKN wrote:
Preezy wrote:But again, if we decide that the afterlife is some cosmic cloud:

- who is driving the cloud? I want to visit Alpha Centauri - will the cloud ever go there?
- does the cloud have one collective voice, or is it billions of voices all chipping in with their stupid opinions?
- are there monster trucks in the cloud?
- if I get sick of being a cosmic cloud, can I end my existence altogether?
- can we play music in the cloud? If yes can we ban music?
- is Jesus in the cloud? Does he still have his beard?

etc etc

It's one collective voice (the accent is somewhat close to scouse) and it hovers unmoving just inside the orbit of Jupiter. There are no Monster Trucks, it's existence is external, and since 1973 the only audible music has been "Eye Level" by The Simon Park Orchestra playing on repeat. Jesus was briefly involved but left the cloud in 651 due to "creative differences". He was last seen heading in the direction of Orion's Belt, and it is unknown whether he still sports a beard.

Does that answer your questions?

Disappointingly, yes that does.

PostRe: What religion are you? by **McCoughlan** » Wed Jul 10, 2019 11:05 am

Moggy wrote:

Also:

- What if one of your loved ones doesn’t make it into Heaven? Do they get a free pass into Heaven so that you are happy, or do you have the choice to leave Heaven so that you can be with them?
- What age are people in Heaven? I don’t mean physically, but people change mentally as they get older. Does a very young child in Heaven spend eternity with the personality of a toddler? Does a grumpy old person stay grumpy for eternity?
- If repenting and accepting Jesus is all that is required to enter, could Hitler, Fred West and Ann Widdecombe be there?

Speaking purely for my own church, a Christian denomination:

-There are three degrees of Heaven. There's the Celestial Kingdom (where good people who faithfully followed the Gospel, accepting Christ as the Saviour live); the Terrestrial Kingdom (for people who lived good lives but didn't accept Christ); and the Telestial Kingdom (for the wicked, not to be confused with Hell. Only those who had a perfect knowledge of the Gospel but purposely lived sinfully go there. Barely any mortal goes to Hell). All three kingdoms, Celestial Terrestrial and Telestial, are amazing, all better than we can even imagine.
You get to visit your loved ones in any of the lower kingdoms. If you got to Celestial and Aunt Bessie got to the Telestial, you can visit her.

-When we go into Heaven, our bodies become the best version of itself. Diseases, disabilities etc are gone. Old people will be the best version of themselves, which might or might not mean looking young again, that's a personal individual matter for the person again.
At end times, Christ will walk on this Earth for a thousand years. This is known as the Millennium. People who died before they reached adulthood will get a chance to grow up on Earth during this time so that they can experience what it's like to live a full life.

-When we die we go to a type of purgatory before being sorted into one of the kingdoms. Good Christians will go to spirit paradise. Everyone else will go to spirit prison, where they are taught the gospel and given the chance to repent. Those who do repent will then get to go to spirit paradise and, eventually, the Celestial or Terrestrial Kingdom. If Hitler etc had a sincere repentance then yes they'll get to go there but we can't fake repentance. God knows who we really are.

Preezy wrote:I get that if you're an old lonely person desperately scared of dying then the thought of an afterlife can be comforting and quite harmless (although personally, spending ETERNITY mooching around with my family praising God and Jesus whilst eating Philadelphia sounds a bit tedious). Sure, that old person is probably wrong, but if it comforts them then fine. I wouldn't tell an old relative that they were about to enter the infinite nothingness, I'm not a (complete) knobhead. But if some guy knocks on my door and promises me a Heavenly afterlife I'm going to pick holes in his beliefs without mercy.

The concept of Heaven also raises more of those silly questions I get in my head from time to time, the ones I'd love to ask a priest but would probably be asked to leave :

- If you're surrounded by family and friends in Heaven, how far back in your family tree does that extend to? I don't know my great-great-great-great-great uncle, but I assume he'd be there waiting for me too?
Everyone since the beginning of time gets the chance to go to Heaven, different parts of it depending on their worthiness. Any of your ancestors who ended up in the same part of it as you will be there waiting for you.

- Are there dinosaurs in Heaven? Are there pre-humans like Homo-Erectus? Are there Neanderthals in Heaven? Do they speak English?
I'd assume so. Depending on their cognitive abilities, whether they're capable of free will making good choices etc, whether they're accountable for their actions. If they're accountable then they go to Heaven the same way as us, by making good choices. If they're not accountable, aren't capable of choosing how to act, then they're innocents so they get a free pass to the Celestial Kingdom, the best part of Heaven. Similarly if someone has an intellectual disability severe enough to stop them from choosing how to act, they get a free pass to the Celestial Kingdom.

- Are there monster trucks in Heaven? Do they run on petrol or something more eco-friendly?
I do not know. We don't have all the answers

- Are you allowed to have sex in Heaven?
Yes. Obviously depends on which kingdom you end up in. End up in the sinner's kingdom (Telestial) and you can have sex with anyone and everyone. End up in the good Christian kingdom (Celestial) and you get the chance to become exalted, a God of your own world, if you're married to someone of the opposite sex. You and your spouse have sex, so that you can produce spirit babies who are sent down to the world you create and get to live mortal lives until one day they get to become exalted themselves. God is a mortal of a previous world who became exalted Himself and we are all His spirit children

- What temperature is it in Heaven? Is there air conditioning or central heating?
I do not know

- Do you sleep in Heaven? Where are all the beds? Do you get your own room?
I do not know

- When you get to Heaven are you the person you were when you died, or do you go back to the "prime" years before you got dementia or lost your legs etc?
Your body becomes perfect, the best version of itself. All diseases and disabilities are gone

- Are there animals in Heaven? If yes, are there wild animals? Do they all hunt each other?
Yes there are animals. I do not know about if they hunt. I don't think we'll ever be hungry in Heaven so animals won't have the instinct to hunt each other but that's my own understanding, not doctrine

- When the universe eventually dies as a result of entropy, what happens to Heaven?
Heaven can not die. We'll all be in the afterlife long before the universe dies, if indeed the universe will die

I realise I'm being facetious but I think the more questions you ask the clearer it becomes that any concept of an afterlife that you can think of begins to unravel into fantasy pretty quickly.

Not really

PostRe: What religion are you? by **Hexx** » Wed Jul 10, 2019 11:06 am

You're a Mormon?

PostRe: What religion are you? by **Drumstick** » Wed Jul 10, 2019 11:09 am

I think it's a downright shame that some people feel unable to have conversations about the topic of religion on the whole without the worry of it turning into a barnstorming row. Ultimately, that says something about the people it's being discussed with.

Starbreaker wrote:
Johnny Ryall wrote:Don’t beat yourself up, the PG era may as well have been a lifetime ago. I can’t remember a single drama from that time.

Beautiful moments, lost to time like tears in rain

Agree with the filthy Scot though Knoy. Of my very few remaining memories of PG, you being a frothing anti-Christian is not one of them. Also - and I want to tread carefully here - Scotty, whilst I'm sure a good person underneath it all, could be incredibly stubborn when he had his mind made up about something. Essentially, what I'm saying is don't beat yourself up for what was essentially a bunch of 15-20 year olds throwing testosterone all over the place.

Plus you have a fine ass.

Yeah, this. We have all hopefully grown up and developed a lot over the course of a decade. PG was fun but I'm sure there'd be a fair share of cringeworthy posts/topics to look back on if it was still around.

Chill bruhs.

PostRe: What religion are you? by **Preezy** » Wed Jul 10, 2019 11:12 am

Preezy wrote:
LightWanderer wrote:.

I am curious, do you think that God answers prayers and intervenes in human affairs (such as by performing miracles)?

PostRe: What religion are you? by **McCoughlan** » Wed Jul 10, 2019 11:21 am

Hexx wrote:You're a Mormon?

So you've heard of us then?
Recently our prophet made an announcement that we can't be called Mormons. He prefers the term the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints but that's long and pretentious so I just call it LDS.

Preezy wrote:
Preezy wrote:
LightWanderer wrote:.

I am curious, do you think that God answers prayers and intervenes in human affairs (such as by performing miracles)?

He has given His priesthood authority (power to act in His name) to worthy male members of the church. All adult male members who are worthy have the Melchezidek Priesthood, which means we can do things like give blessings to the sick, in God's name, through which they can be cured, depending on faith and God's plan of course. We can cast out demons, baptise people etc. We're agents through which God can "answer prayers and intervene in human affairs"

PostRe: What religion are you? by **Hexx** » Wed Jul 10, 2019 11:24 am

LightWanderer wrote:
Hexx wrote:You're a Mormon?

So you've heard of us then?

I've seen Book of Mormon.
And "Mormons", for some reason, are very prevalent characters, on um...documentaries...Pornhub/Gay. So I'm told :shifty:

I wasn't sure if anyone else did the 3 Heavens thing - but Mormons/JCCOLDS is the one I knew of (Barely/just/not in detail)

PostRe: What religion are you? by **coldspice** » Wed Jul 10, 2019 11:24 am

LightWanderer wrote:
Preezy wrote:- Are you allowed to have sex in Heaven?
Yes. Obviously depends on which kingdom you end up in. End up in the sinner's kingdom (Telestial) and you can have sex with anyone and everyone. End up in the good Christian kingdom (Celestial) and you get the chance to become exalted, a God of your own world, if you're married to someone of the opposite sex. You and your spouse have sex, so that you can produce spirit babies who are sent down to the world you create and get to live mortal lives until one day they get to become exalted themselves. God is a mortal of a previous world who became exalted Himself and we are all His spirit children

Wait, I thought Telestial was the bad one?

PostRe: What religion are you? by **OrangeRKN** » Wed Jul 10, 2019 11:25 am

Have you seen that episode of South Park? I think it's a great introduction to Mormonism

PostRe: What religion are you? by **Preezy** » Wed Jul 10, 2019 11:28 am

LightWanderer wrote:
Preezy wrote:I am curious, do you think that God answers prayers and intervenes in human affairs (such as by performing miracles)?

He has given His priesthood authority (power to act in His name) to worthy male members of the church. All adult male members who are worthy have the Melchezidek Priesthood, which means we can do things like give blessings to the sick, in God's name, through which they can be cured, depending on faith and God's plan of course. We can cast out demons, baptise people etc. We're agents through which God can "answer prayers and intervene in human affairs"

Couple of things there:

1 - if God has a plan, why would you pray to try and change that?
2 - do you ever heal amputees?

PostRe: What religion are you? by **Mafro** » Wed Jul 10, 2019 11:29 am

We used to get mormons around here semi-regularly (one of them gave me a book) but I've not seen them in ages.

PostRe: What religion are you? by **McCoughlan** » Wed Jul 10, 2019 11:37 am

Minty14 wrote:
LightWanderer wrote:
Preezy wrote:- Are you allowed to have sex in Heaven?
Yes. Obviously depends on which kingdom you end up in. End up in the sinner's kingdom (Telestial) and you can have sex with anyone and everyone. End up in the good Christian kingdom (Celestial) and you get the chance to become exalted, a God of your own world, if you're married to someone of the opposite sex. You and your spouse have sex, so that you can produce spirit babies who are sent down to the world you create and get to live mortal lives until one day they get to become exalted themselves. God is a mortal of a previous world who became exalted Himself and we are all His spirit children

Wait, I thought Telestial was the bad one?

Telestial is the lowest of the three kingdoms of Heaven but still a part of Heaven.

Hexx wrote:
LightWanderer wrote:
Hexx wrote:You're a Mormon?

So you've heard of us then?

I've seen Book of Mormon.
And "Mormons", for some reason, are very prevalent characters, on um...documentaries...Pornhub/Gay. So I'm told

I wasn't sure if anyone else did the 3 Heavens thing - but Mormons/JCCOLDS is the one I knew of (Barely/just/not in detail)

The musical is great if you approach it with the right attitude.
Yes, there's a lot of "documentaries"
I think a Hindu religion has a similar multikingdom structure.

OrangeRKN wrote:Have you seen that episode of South Park? I think it's a great introduction to Mormonism

If you take it as sattire. Otherwise it's just dum dum dum

Preezy wrote:
LightWanderer wrote:
Preezy wrote:I am curious, do you think that God answers prayers and intervenes in human affairs (such as by performing miracles)?

He has given His priesthood authority (power to act in His name) to worthy male members of the church. All adult male members who are worthy have the Melchezidek Priesthood, which means we can do things like give blessings to the sick, in God's name, through which they can be cured, depending on faith and God's plan of course. We can cast out demons, baptise people etc. We're agents through which God can "answer prayers and intervene in human affairs"

Couple of things there:

1 - if God has a plan, why would you pray to try and change that?
2 - do you ever heal amputees?

(1) We don't know what God's plan is and we can at least offer comfort
(2) Personally I haven't but I'm sure there's people who have at least offered comfort to the amputee

PostRe: What religion are you? by **McCoughlan** » Wed Jul 10, 2019 11:38 am

Mafro wrote:We used to get mormons around here semi-regularly (one of them gave me a book) but I've not seen them in ages.

This book would be the Book of Mormon - Another Testament of Jesus Christ

PostRe: What religion are you? by **Moggy** » Wed Jul 10, 2019 11:42 am

LightWanderer wrote:
Mafro wrote:We used to get mormons around here semi-regularly (one of them gave me a book) but I've not seen them in ages.

This book would be the Book of Mormon - Another Testament of Jesus Christ

If your prophet has recently said you shouldn’t be called Mormons, is that book going to be renamed?

PostRe: What religion are you? by **McCoughlan** » Wed Jul 10, 2019 11:44 am

Moggy wrote:
LightWanderer wrote:
Mafro wrote:We used to get mormons around here semi-regularly (one of them gave me a book) but I've not seen them in ages.

This book would be the Book of Mormon - Another Testament of Jesus Christ

If your prophet has recently said you shouldn’t be called Mormons, is that book going to be renamed?

Nope. The book is named after the last prophet who wrote in it, named Mormon. It's the book of Mormon but the church of Jesus Christ

PostRe: What religion are you? by **OrangeRKN** » Wed Jul 10, 2019 11:44 am

I can confirm that South Park is indeed satirical

PostRe: What religion are you? by **Preezy** » Wed Jul 10, 2019 11:48 am

LightWanderer wrote:
Preezy wrote:
LightWanderer wrote:
Preezy wrote:I am curious, do you think that God answers prayers and intervenes in human affairs (such as by performing miracles)?

He has given His priesthood authority (power to act in His name) to worthy male members of the church. All adult male members who are worthy have the Melchezidek Priesthood, which means we can do things like give blessings to the sick, in God's name, through which they can be cured, depending on faith and God's plan of course. We can cast out demons, baptise people etc. We're agents through which God can "answer prayers and intervene in human affairs"

Couple of things there:

1 - if God has a plan, why would you pray to try and change that?
2 - do you ever heal amputees?

(1) We don't know what God's plan is and we can at least offer comfort
(2) Personally I haven't but I'm sure there's people who have at least offered comfort to the amputee

1 - Again, and not to labour the point as I don't want to come across on picking on you specifically - you assume that God has a plan, right? So even if you didn't know the details you should surely know not to test that plan or his ideas by praying for things, better to just let things play out exactly as they are because that MUST be God's plan, how could it be anything else?

2- But anyone can give comfort to people, that's nothing special. Unless the comfort has measurable healing properties. You said you could actually heal people. I would assume there are countless stories of people with cancer or other severe illnesses being cured as a result of prayers/miracles, right?

3 - I'm also now curious about demons - so I assume you believe demons exist. What do you think they are? Why would God create and allow demons to exist? Why not just get rid of them all? It's like the serpent in the Garden of Eden - why create a snake that can talk and tempt innocent Eve into eating the apple? Why not just not create a bad entity and continue along in paradise?

PostRe: What religion are you? by **That** » Wed Jul 10, 2019 12:30 pm

OrangeRKN wrote:I can confirm that South Park is indeed satirical

Apart from the World of Warcraft episode which is a documentary

PostRe: What religion are you? by **Moggy** » Wed Jul 10, 2019 1:17 pm

I think this comes from the second Omen movie (although it might have been at the start of the third) and I might be misremembering it, but it raised a question that I have never seen properly answered anywhere other than Good Omens which I don’t think is biblically canon.

Damian has just found out he is the anti-Christ and he screams “no!” and clearly in that second doesn’t want to be it. At that point he hasn’t killed or harmed anybody, he was just a creepy kid that weird things happened around. He soon gets into the swing of things and gets to murdering, but he did have that moment of doubt.

If the anti-Christ (or a demon I guess) decided to reject evil, would they then be allowed to go to Heaven? If they were unable to reject it or are unable to enter Heaven, does that mean free will doesn’t exist?

The question can of course be flipped, could Jesus have rejected God and turned evil? Although as Jesus is apparently the same being as God I guess that gets a lot trickier!

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