Your Sex disasters

PostRe: Your Sex disasters by **Qikz** » Sat Aug 23, 2008 10:05 am

Denster wrote:The other night after sex my wife asked if i had been thinking about fit girl during it. I was not pleased.

You were thinking about Hexx during sex?

PostRe: Your Sex disasters by **Roonmastor** » Sat Aug 23, 2008 11:04 am

Green Gecko wrote:The sad thing is that women bang on about men being insensitive and then when they "just don't feel the same anymore" and start blanking you, they don't give a gooseberry fool how utterly soul destroying it is. Meanwhile, they're strawberry floating someone three degrees of separation at most from you.

I agree with this, but it isn't a sex disaster. Keep it for the relationship disaster thread.

And Denster, was it because you were thinking about fit girl.

PostRe: Your Sex disasters by **Benj** » Sat Aug 23, 2008 11:33 am

Denster wrote:The other night after sex my wife asked if i had been thinking about fit girl during it. I was not pleased.

Does she refer to her as 'fit girl' too? That would be top banana. x

PostRe: Your Sex disasters by **Mike Black** » Sat Aug 23, 2008 11:48 am

I can't keep it up most of the time.

I've taken to finding other ways to "please" her.

PostRe: Your Sex disasters by **Jimmy Shedders** » Sat Aug 23, 2008 11:49 am

Mike Black wrote:I can't keep it up most of the time.

I've taken to finding other ways to "please" her.

Rape?

PostRe: Your Sex disasters by **Fatal Exception** » Sat Aug 23, 2008 11:54 am

Brerlappins little hat wrote:
Adam231 wrote:
Brerlappins little hat wrote:**** me this is depressing now. Had a few beers and now im on the verge of casually telling my ex how i feel about her. Its a bad idea and even i can see that but i still cant stop thinking about it. Talk me out of it GR.

Women, eh?

Don't do it! I did that last night as a last hope but nothing came from it apart from me saying it was best for us to just go seperate ways.

whats mad is i KNOW it would only make things worse and yet i still want to do it!! i dunno wtf is wrong with me sometimes

Woops. I did that the other night and I've not heard anything since. That god I'm on self prescribed antidepressants (St Johns Wort). :lol:

Thinking about it, it's those that made me tell her in the first place, they just remove any kind of anxiety / fear / worry. It's really odd being open and honest without worrying about the consiquences.

PostRe: Your Sex disasters by **jamcc** » Sat Aug 23, 2008 11:56 am

Adam231 wrote:
net_slayer wrote:
Green Gecko wrote:The sad thing is that women bang on about men being insensitive and then when they "just don't feel the same anymore" and start blanking you, they don't give a **** how utterly soul destroying it is.

Too true bro. What really gets under my skin is when they piss and moan that there arent any nice guys out there. Im like 'hello, theres one right here that you're talking too'. Its even worse when you're really into a girl but only friends, ya know, the shoulder to cry on, the guy thats always there to make her feel better and then she comes out with the nice guy rant. My head may as well just find a brick wall to hammer away at.

You just replayed the other week of my life to me

strawberry float me.. Me too! A really close girl mate of mine has been going on about how we need time apart and all that, after a really minor argument of ours. We didn't see each other for about a week and a half (only emailing at work), until last Tuesday when I tried to talk to her about the argument and explain what happened, but she went mental. So I emailed her yesterday to invite her over for the weekend and she said she was busy. Fine, but I asked if she was mad at me, and she said no but then asked if I considered her more than a mate. To which I said no but I care about her immensely. She basically said we've become too close and then didn't reply to my last email.

She was even saying I was being clingy, BECAUSE I WANTED TO TALK ABOUT OUR ARGUMENT AND SOLVE IT. She just wanted to sweep it under the carpet, which I think is a terrible idea. One thing that's been mind-fucking me is that the way she was saying we'd become too close and "the boundaries of friendship and relationship (or something) had become blurred" almost implied that she thought of me as more than a mate, when she's never given off that impression at all!

Ugh, God knows when we'll talk again.. So yeah, a girl (mate) strawberry floating with my head too.

:cry:

PostRe: Your Sex disasters by **Hexx** » Sat Aug 23, 2008 11:58 am

strawberry float OFF TO YOUR OWN THREAD ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS! :evil:

We want more filthy sex stories! :mrgreen:

PostRe: Your Sex disasters by **Red** » Sat Aug 23, 2008 12:01 pm

net_slayer wrote:Its even worse when you're really into a girl but only friends, ya know, the shoulder to cry on, the guy thats always there to make her feel better and then she comes out with the nice guy rant. My head may as well just find a brick wall to hammer away at.

Men always complain about this, but it's usually because they can't see that they're a boring, fawning sap with no personality. "Oh I can't find a girl because I'm so bloody nice but they want a complete gooseberry fool!" No. Stop blaming the opposite sex for your own failings - there are tonnes of girls out there who like different things, and if you can't find one, you're doing something wrong.

PostRe: Your Sex disasters by **jamcc** » Sat Aug 23, 2008 12:08 pm

Hexx wrote:strawberry float OFF TO YOUR OWN THREAD ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS!

We want more filthy sex stories!

You're gay.

PostRe: Your Sex disasters by **Mini E** » Sat Aug 23, 2008 12:22 pm

Never had any serious disasters... Outdoor sex left large amounts of twigs etc in the downstairs area which made it really uncomfortable walking back from the park but was certainly worth it. whole new experience outdoors.

Never had disasters though. Quite glad after reading some of the horror stories in this thread

PostRe: Your Sex disasters by **jamcc** » Sat Aug 23, 2008 12:27 pm

Not to stay completely off topic - I haven't had sex enough times to have any notable disasters.

PostRe: Your Sex disasters by **Mr Yoshi** » Sat Aug 23, 2008 1:47 pm

Reminds me of a time after a party when me and the girl I was seeing at the time were looking for a place to have a quickie. Very drunk.

First it was an open garage, but that didn't work. Then it was on porch steps, too uncomfortable. So I opened a gate into a front yard and finally we chose nice soft grass- we got about halfway through when a dog raced out of nowhere and started howling to high hell. The front door of the house opened as a bemused old lady saw us run half naked out of her front yard.

Scary stuff.

PostRe: Your Sex disasters by **Ironhide** » Sat Aug 23, 2008 2:56 pm

Cuban Pete wrote:Having sex on a beach was quite entertaining, for starters it started to rain a bit. And then as we were gettin right down to it, I suddenly felt a tongue on my arsecheek....a bloke was out walking his dog and teh dog decided to come and investigate the noises. And the bloke just stood there looking, pervert.

PostRe: Your Sex disasters by **LewisD** » Sat Aug 23, 2008 3:52 pm

How on earth have I missed this thread!?

I once pissed inside a girl, an ex-girlfriend.

I was very, very drunk on lager.
And Lager goes through me like air through a sieve....
So basically, I thought I was coming.. But I wasn't coming. And I pissed inside of her.

:fp:

It was round her parents house too, and her dad was very very strict that we weren't to have sex under his roof, he was built like a brick shithouse too.
She took the blame for having a piss soaked bed, blaming it on her being so drunk that she lost control of her bladder.

We broke up about two weeks after. :lol:

PostRe: Your Sex disasters by **Banjo** » Sat Aug 23, 2008 4:04 pm

Lewis, that's just wrong. Brilliantly amazingly astoundingly funny, but wrong :lol:

PostRe: Your Sex disasters by **Fatal Exception** » Sat Aug 23, 2008 4:16 pm

How in gods name did you mistake pissing and coming?

PostRe: Your Sex disasters by **LewisD** » Sat Aug 23, 2008 4:23 pm

Anung Un Rama wrote:How in gods name did you last an extra two weeks!?!

God knows, to be fair I barely saw her in those two weeks.
Somehow, I was still surprised when she said she didn't want to go out with me anymore..... over the phone.

Fatal Exception wrote:How in gods name did you mistake pissing and coming?

I was Very, very, very drunk.
I'm surprised I managed a hard on. To be fair it was probably only a semi.

PostRe: Your Sex disasters by **Carlos** » Sat Aug 23, 2008 4:29 pm

Not really a disaster but many moons ago I was walking through the woods near to my old school back to my house with one of my now ex-girlfriends and I jokingly asked if she wanted to pop over into the bushes for a quick one. To my suprise she said yes! Off we went and attempted to do things standing up (so we could make a quick getaway in case anybody came) and failed, so she turned round, pulled up her skirt and let me do her up the other one!
I was about to burst when this old man and his dog camje walking down the path nearby, so we had to scarper. She was a dirty cow that one.

PostRe: Your Sex disasters by **Mike Black** » Sat Aug 23, 2008 4:34 pm

LewisD wrote:
Anung Un Rama wrote:How in gods name did you last an extra two weeks!?!

God knows, to be fair I barely saw her in those two weeks.
Somehow, I was still surprised when she said she didn't want to go out with me anymore..... over the phone.

Fatal Exception wrote:How in gods name did you mistake pissing and coming?

I was Very, very, very drunk.
I'm surprised I managed a hard on. To be fair it was probably only a semi.

You can't have been 'ard, as when you're having some happy time your body shuts off your ability to pee. Apparently.

Your Sex disasters

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