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Re: Your Sex disasters
Posted: Thu Aug 21, 2008 9:35 pm
by Count Nood
Turok wrote:Protest Singer wrote:I remember back in the day I worked for Butlins doing Security and as a result secured loads of shags even though I'm an ugly bugger.
I copped off with this stunning girl one night and headed back to her chalet. As we got down to business we both stripped off but she demanded that I keep my trainers on...alarms bells started to ring. As we got down to business she got increasingly horny by rubbing the bottom of her feet along the bottom of my trainers
. As things got steamier she then reached over to her bedside cabinet and grabbed a packet of digestive biscuits and started to mush them up in her mouth, she then demanded that we swap the ball of chewed digestive dough from mouth to mouth as we proceeded to the point of orgasm
She was a real hottie but still
I swear I've heard that story before. Was it on GR?
It must've been, I remember it too.
Re: Your Sex disasters
Posted: Thu Aug 21, 2008 9:36 pm
by Bodhisattva Gun
Turok wrote:Protest Singer wrote:I remember back in the day I worked for Butlins doing Security and as a result secured loads of shags even though I'm an ugly bugger.
I copped off with this stunning girl one night and headed back to her chalet. As we got down to business we both stripped off but she demanded that I keep my trainers on...alarms bells started to ring. As we got down to business she got increasingly horny by rubbing the bottom of her feet along the bottom of my trainers
. As things got steamier she then reached over to her bedside cabinet and grabbed a packet of digestive biscuits and started to mush them up in her mouth, she then demanded that we swap the ball of chewed digestive dough from mouth to mouth as we proceeded to the point of orgasm
She was a real hottie but still
I swear I've heard that story before. Was it on GR?
Well, I posted on there for years so could well have been.
Don't recall ever posting it on there but heck, GR is now but a distant memory.
Re: Your Sex disasters
Posted: Thu Aug 21, 2008 9:44 pm
by Henke
Really boring story, but a disaster for me all the same. I once ended up back a girl's flat, we were good to go, then she asks if I've got a Johnny on me.
Still stayed over and had a nice cuddle, but I had to have a wank as soon as I got home. My balls were aching the whole way back.
Re: Your Sex disasters
Posted: Thu Aug 21, 2008 9:49 pm
by Roonmastor
Henke wrote:Really boring story, but a disaster for me all the same. I once ended up back a girl's flat, we were good to go, then she asks if I've got a Johnny on me.
Still stayed over and had a nice cuddle, but I had to have a wank as soon as I got home. My balls were aching the whole way back.
Man, thats a schoolboy error.
Brilliant stories by the way, (un)fortunately, I've only had non-disastrous sex. Or at least, equally disastrous sex to the point it became the norm.
Re: Your Sex disasters
Posted: Thu Aug 21, 2008 9:49 pm
by Fatal Exception
You should have pushed for a blowjob.
Re: Your Sex disasters
Posted: Thu Aug 21, 2008 9:53 pm
by Henke
Fatal Exception wrote:You should have pushed for a blowjob.
I tried to, without actually saying "gonnae gies a bj love" but to no avail. She was quite posh like.
Re: Your Sex disasters
Posted: Thu Aug 21, 2008 9:54 pm
by Tragic Magic
Did you do the biscuit thing though?
I couldn't have. Just the thought of someone else's biscuit mush in my mouth makes me want to vom.
Re: Your Sex disasters
Posted: Thu Aug 21, 2008 9:58 pm
by Alex
A girl a while back was a little rough and liked to bite when she was down there. A litle nibble wasn't bad so I never stopped her.
She wasn't, however, my girlfriend.
One time she went a little overboard and left bite marks. I completely forgot and was caught out by the girlfriend. Acting in the only way I knew how, I blamed the girlfriend for being too rough.
In reference to the other stories, I obviously haven't been sleeping with the right girls.
Re: Your Sex disasters
Posted: Thu Aug 21, 2008 10:00 pm
by Shadow
I once fell asleep during a foursome.
Re: Your Sex disasters
Posted: Thu Aug 21, 2008 10:02 pm
by JNR
Shadow wrote:I once fell asleep during a foursome.
Did the other three fellas carry on anyway?
Re: Your Sex disasters
Posted: Thu Aug 21, 2008 10:03 pm
by Nova
JNR wrote:Shadow wrote:I once fell asleep during a foursome.
Did the other three fellas carry on anyway?
Read my mind.
Re: Your Sex disasters
Posted: Thu Aug 21, 2008 10:04 pm
by JNR
Nova wrote:JNR wrote:Shadow wrote:I once fell asleep during a foursome.
Did the other three fellas carry on anyway?
Read my mind.
It was obvious but I couldn't help it.
Re: Your Sex disasters
Posted: Thu Aug 21, 2008 10:04 pm
by Bodhisattva Gun
Tragic Magic wrote:Did you do the biscuit thing though?
I couldn't have. Just the thought of someone else's biscuit mush in my mouth makes me want to vom.
Oh yes.
I do have a slight adversion to Digestives now though.
I also have an adversion to the tubes of prawn flavoured Primula cheese spread due to an incident that happened when I was in the Army. That is another story for another day and another thread though
Re: Your Sex disasters
Posted: Thu Aug 21, 2008 10:05 pm
by Jax
I like to read all your disasters. They make me lol.
Re: Your Sex disasters
Posted: Thu Aug 21, 2008 10:10 pm
by JNR
Ooooh go on then. Apart from drinking too much not performing as well as I should, there was one incident that sticks in my mind.
Slept with a girl who had been going out with one of my mates, but had split up, which was stupid enough of me in the first place. What was even worse is that the first time we slept together, whatever happens when you sleep with a virgin...happened. Something gave way. Something snapped, and drenched the sheets in blood. I turned the light on after wondering where all this lubrication came from only to be confronted by something out of American Psycho.
Re: Your Sex disasters
Posted: Thu Aug 21, 2008 10:14 pm
by Tragic Magic
Protest Singer wrote:Tragic Magic wrote:Did you do the biscuit thing though?
Oh yes.
You strawberry floating what?!
:vom:
Re: Your Sex disasters
Posted: Thu Aug 21, 2008 10:16 pm
by Shadow
JNR wrote:Shadow wrote:I once fell asleep during a foursome.
Did the other three fellas carry on anyway?
Yeah I was at the back of the conga line so it didn't really break the rhythm any.
Re: Your Sex disasters
Posted: Thu Aug 21, 2008 10:17 pm
by Count Nood
Tragic Magic wrote:Protest Singer wrote:Tragic Magic wrote:Did you do the biscuit thing though?
Oh yes.
You strawberry floating what?!
:vom:
Keep your hair on. I would have...
Re: Your Sex disasters
Posted: Fri Aug 22, 2008 12:06 am
by Beans
Some great stories everyone. Hilarious
Re: Your Sex disasters
Posted: Fri Aug 22, 2008 12:14 am
by Igor
I once let my (now ex) girlfriend stick her index finger up my pooper whilst she sucked me off. It wasn't until it was too late that we realised that she hadn't taken all her nail extensions off. And the heat must have loosened the glue.
Suffice to say, I shat it out the next morning... She didn't want it back.