It’s like when people try to speak legalese to sound professional or intimidating, it just comes across as needlessly robotic and doesn’t add the gravitas the user thinks it does. They just end up sounding like a twat.
I have to figure out what's wrong with my ass. For my entire life, I have been spending 5+ minutes on every toilet visit just wiping gooseberry fool off my asshole. Even with wet wipes. And even when my ass is clean shaven. There is nothing the gooseberry fool can cling onto and I still have to wipe and wipe. I have no idea what I'm doing wrong or if my ass is anatomically different from other humans but I can just keep wiping and wiping for minutes, from multiple directions and there's still some brown on the paper. It takes a long ass time till my ass is completely clean. And before the bidet crowd comes chiming in, it doesn't even matter if I use a bidet or clean my asshole in the shower. When I step in the shower and wash my ass, I still have to wipe a ton afterwards. I have always envied people who can just hop in and out of the toilet in like 5 min max. I'm spending 15 minutes on the toilet minimum and the ratio of shitting to wiping is like 50/50.
Very rarely I have gooseberry fools where magically I barely have to wipe at all. But on the other hand I also have gooseberry fools where I spend upwards of 10 minutes just wiping my ass clean.
I am almost 100% sure that I am the human being with the highest wet wipe consumption in the world. A pack with 50 wet wipes is gone in 4 visits to the toilet. Max. And I'm not wasting any of them.
On top of having to spend lots of time on the toilet just wiping, I also gooseberry fool a lot. Rarely if ever just one or two pieces of turd come out and I'm done. And it's usually on the liquidy side rather than like a solid piece of turd. So spending 15-20 minutes on the toilet without wasting any time is the norm for me.
Whenever I see shows or documentaries about old times my first thought is "Are these people just walking around with dirty asses the whole time" Cause I know I would be back then
I have to figure out what's wrong with my ass. For my entire life, I have been spending 5+ minutes on every toilet visit just wiping gooseberry fool off my asshole. Even with wet wipes. And even when my ass is clean shaven. There is nothing the gooseberry fool can cling onto and I still have to wipe and wipe. I have no idea what I'm doing wrong or if my ass is anatomically different from other humans but I can just keep wiping and wiping for minutes, from multiple directions and there's still some brown on the paper. It takes a long ass time till my ass is completely clean. And before the bidet crowd comes chiming in, it doesn't even matter if I use a bidet or clean my asshole in the shower. When I step in the shower and wash my ass, I still have to wipe a ton afterwards. I have always envied people who can just hop in and out of the toilet in like 5 min max. I'm spending 15 minutes on the toilet minimum and the ratio of shitting to wiping is like 50/50.
Very rarely I have gooseberry fools where magically I barely have to wipe at all. But on the other hand I also have gooseberry fools where I spend upwards of 10 minutes just wiping my ass clean.
I am almost 100% sure that I am the human being with the highest wet wipe consumption in the world. A pack with 50 wet wipes is gone in 4 visits to the toilet. Max. And I'm not wasting any of them.
On top of having to spend lots of time on the toilet just wiping, I also gooseberry fool a lot. Rarely if ever just one or two pieces of turd come out and I'm done. And it's usually on the liquidy side rather than like a solid piece of turd. So spending 15-20 minutes on the toilet without wasting any time is the norm for me.
Whenever I see shows or documentaries about old times my first thought is "Are these people just walking around with dirty asses the whole time" Cause I know I would be back then
This is a serious thread btw
Last week South Park did an excellent conspiracy-laden episode on the politics of toilet paper in the US. I've been thinking about it a lot since! Apparently 70% of the world doesn't use toilet paper
I have to figure out what's wrong with my ass. For my entire life, I have been spending 5+ minutes on every toilet visit just wiping gooseberry fool off my asshole. Even with wet wipes. And even when my ass is clean shaven. There is nothing the gooseberry fool can cling onto and I still have to wipe and wipe. I have no idea what I'm doing wrong or if my ass is anatomically different from other humans but I can just keep wiping and wiping for minutes, from multiple directions and there's still some brown on the paper. It takes a long ass time till my ass is completely clean. And before the bidet crowd comes chiming in, it doesn't even matter if I use a bidet or clean my asshole in the shower. When I step in the shower and wash my ass, I still have to wipe a ton afterwards. I have always envied people who can just hop in and out of the toilet in like 5 min max. I'm spending 15 minutes on the toilet minimum and the ratio of shitting to wiping is like 50/50.
Very rarely I have gooseberry fools where magically I barely have to wipe at all. But on the other hand I also have gooseberry fools where I spend upwards of 10 minutes just wiping my ass clean.
I am almost 100% sure that I am the human being with the highest wet wipe consumption in the world. A pack with 50 wet wipes is gone in 4 visits to the toilet. Max. And I'm not wasting any of them.
On top of having to spend lots of time on the toilet just wiping, I also gooseberry fool a lot. Rarely if ever just one or two pieces of turd come out and I'm done. And it's usually on the liquidy side rather than like a solid piece of turd. So spending 15-20 minutes on the toilet without wasting any time is the norm for me.
Whenever I see shows or documentaries about old times my first thought is "Are these people just walking around with dirty asses the whole time" Cause I know I would be back then
This is a serious thread btw
Last week South Park did an excellent conspiracy-laden episode on the politics of toilet paper in the US. I've been thinking about it a lot since! Apparently 70% of the world doesn't use toilet paper
I don't know (or care) how accurate this is, but apparently the toilet paper used just by China each year would stretch almost all the way to Pluto.